


voltorb: leg and dairy suspenders

by razzledazzle27



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gay Keith (Voltron), Keith & Pidge | Katie Holt Friendship, Keith (Voltron) is a Good Friend, Lance (Voltron) is a Dork, One-Sided Hunk/Romelle (Voltron), Other, Shiro is Tired, This Is STUPID, chat fic, i edited some old chapters so go reread if you wanna stay up to date on all the hottest trash, lance is literally the most supportive human in the universe, pidge likes musicals, these kids are idiots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2019-08-22 07:34:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 15,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16593587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/razzledazzle27/pseuds/razzledazzle27
Summary: literal sunshine: what happened to matt to make him so protective of giraffesspace dad: a giraffe licked him once and now he’s like the giraffe gandhikeith’s favourite person: the giraffe that licked him was also his first boyfriendlocal anime prince: FUCK OFF GEOFFREY WAS SPECIAL TO ME





	1. lance's game fucks up

**Author's Note:**

> just...just read it, i have no explanation whatsoever.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the paladins (+shiro, matt, and romelle) try to play a "game" lance made up, but things quickly spin out of hand when it's keith's turn.

_April 19th at 16:00_

 

 **lancey lance:** OKAY WHO’S ON HERE ROLL CALL HOES

 **emo kid:** here

 **jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** here

 **alluring:** present!

 **local anime prince:** here

 **space zelda:** here!

 **literal sunshine:** ^^

 **jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** 7 out of 8, not bad

 **local anime prince:** SHIRO WHERE ARE YOU

 **space dad:** what?

 **lancey lance:** yEAH 8 OUT OF 8

 **alluring:** what did you need us for lance?

 **lancey lance:** let’s play a game im bored

 **space zelda:** what game?

 **lancey lance:** something i like to call ‘who’s your fave’

 **jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** not this again

 **lancey lance:** i nEeD tO kNoW PiDgE

 **space dad:** wait, how do you play?

 **emo kid:** pretty much you just say who your favourite person on the chat is

 **emo kid:** lance needs the love sometimes

 **lancey lance:** keef i trusted you with that information

 **emo kid:** oops

 **local anime prince:** so we just say who our favourite person on the chat is

 **literal sunshine:** yep

 **space zelda:** sounds easy enough

 **local anime prince:** shiro

 **space dad:** matt

 **alluring:** okay you two are out

 **local anime prince:** r00d

 **jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** feeling the brotherly love

 **space zelda:** my favourite’s hunk~

 **literal sunshine:** awh you’re my favourite too romelle uwu

 **space dad:** can we take a minute to appreciate our pure children thank you

 **lancey lance:** i think we know my favourite

 **emo kid:** is it allura

 **lancey lance:** yeah but you’re a close second dw

 **emo kid:** n o p e

 **lancey lance:** don’t talk mEAN LIKE THAT

 **alluring:** well lance is my favourite too^^

 **literal sunshine:** he just fell off the couch nice going allura

 **local anime prince:** this is fun keith your turn

 **emo kid:** srsly matt

 **local anime prince:** ;3

 **emo kid:** well pidge is my best friend out of all of you

 **jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** GET REKT LANCE

 **lancey lance:** K E E F  W H Y

 **emo kid:** shut up

 **space zelda:** okay, pidge is your best friend, but…

 **jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** excuse me? but? what but?

 **local anime prince:** your mom’s

 **space dad:** matt that’s your mom too

 **local anime prince:** oh yeah

 **space zelda:** is there going to be a but or did i misinterpret this situation

 **emo kid:** but…

 **space zelda:** oh okay

 **jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** i swear if you do

 **emo kid:** pigeon i love you but hunk is my favourite

 **alluring:** pidge just ran down the hall with her bayard out

 **local anime prince:** oh shit

 **lancey lance:** RUN KEITH RUN

 **literal sunshine:** ASWDJKHIF

 **literal sunshine:** I’M KEITH KOGANE’S FAVOURITE

 **literal sunshine:** I’M SCREENSHOTTING THIS CONVO AND PRINTING OUT THAT MESSAGE TO WORSHIP IT

 **space zelda:** but wHAT ABOUT ME

 **literal sunshine:** DW YOU’RE STILL MY FAVE I’M JUST REALLY FUCKING HAPPY

 **space dad:** HUNK

 **space dad:** LANGUAGE

 **space dad:** I EXPECTED MORE FROM YOU

 **literal sunshine:** I’M SORRY

 **literal sunshine:** I’LL GO PUT A QUARTER IN THE SWEAR JAR

 **space dad:** YOU GO DO THAT

 **_literal sunshine_ ** _is offline._

 **local anime prince:** where the fuck did he learn that word

 **alluring:** do you want me to answer that question

 **local anime prince:** no

 **space zelda:** okay keith and pidge have been way too quiet for my liking

 **lancey lance:** is keith even alive

 **alluring:** probably not

 **local anime prince:** great, another change, who’s gonna pilot the black lion now?

 **emo kid:** I’M STILL ALIVE

 **lancey lance:** KEEF

 **space dad:** HOW

 **emo kid:** CURRENTLY HIDING IN MY CLOSET

 **emo kid:** PIDGE IS BANGING ON THE DOOR PLEASE SEND HELP

 **jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** :)

 **lancey lance:** that cannot be good

 **space zelda:** keith. run. now.

 **emo kid:** THERE’S NOWHERE TO RUN

 **lancey lance:** KEITH IF YOU DIE CAN I HAVE YOUR LION

 **emo kid:** NO YOU ALREADY TOOK RED FROM ME

 **local anime prince:** WE’LL WORK OUT LIONS LATER FOCUS ON SURVIVING

 **alluring:** PIDGE WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM HIM

 **jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** i’m his favourite

 **local anime prince:** THIS IS WHY THE GAME WAS A BAD IDEA LANCE

 **lancey lance:** OKAY OKAY I FUCKED UP SUE ME

 **space dad:** KEITH JUST TELL HER SHE’S YOUR FAVOURITE

 **space zelda:** YEAH

 **emo kid:** BUT HUNK

 **local anime prince:** FORGET HUNK FOR A SECOND AND JUST SAY IT

 **lancey lance:** I’M COMING TO HELP

 **alluring:** HUNK ISN’T ONLINE HE DOESN’T HAVE TO KNOW

 **emo kid:** FINE

 **emo kid:** PIDGE YOU’RE MY FAVOURITE

 **jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** forever and ever?

 **emo kid:** YES BEST FRIENDS FOREVER NOW STOP FREAKING ME OUT

 **jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** okay <3

 **space dad:** that was easy

 **space zelda:** too easy

 **lancey lance:** nope it checks out, they're already cuddled up on the floor in keith’s room

 **_lancey lance_ ** _has sent an image._

 **local anime prince:** SOFT

 **alluring:** UWUWUWUWUWU

 **space zelda:** why is this so cute

 **space dad:** my children are so adorable :3

 **_literal sunshine_ ** _is online._  
****

**literal sunshine:** what’d i miss?

 

 


	2. dicks out for connor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 4-20 is a special day

_ April 20th at 20:30  _

 

**local anime prince:** GUYS IT’S 4-20 EVERYONE DAB

**alluring:** lance just dabbed so vigorously he fell off the bed great job matt 

**space zelda:** again?

**literal sunshine:** no last time it was the couch

**emo kid:** and the time before that it was the blue lion

**space dad:** i can still remember how much effort it took to get him into the cryopod after he practically cracked his skull open

**space dad:** okay but did anyone else dab other than lance i need to know who to have a talk with

**jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** everyone needs to dab in remembrance of connor

**lancey lance:** dicks out for connor

**emo kid:** please don’t

**alluring:** OH FOR ALFOR’S SAKE

**alluring:** LANCE

**lancey lance:** DICKS OUT FOR CONNOR ALLURA

**local anime prince:** YES YOU GO LANCE

**space dad:** remind me to keep those two separate

**emo kid:** w h y

**space zelda** : hunk no dont go look

**literal sunshine:** what are they talking about

**jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** nothing it’s 30 minutes past your bedtime go to sleep

**literal sunshine:** I AM OLDER THAN YOU

**emo kid:** bed.

**space zelda:** fine

 

**_literal sunshine_ ** _ is offline. _

**_space zelda_ ** _ is offline. _

 

**lancey lance:** yay parent!kidge got the children to sleep

**local anime prince:** oh shit shiro you too

**space dad:** wait no

**alluring:** he’s right

**lancey lance:** a growing boy

**space dad:** I’m fucking 26 years old

**emo kid:** *6 years old

**jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** c’mon we’ll get you a juice box and a bedtime story before you cuddle up with teddy 

**space dad:** i hate all of you

**local anime prince:** we love you too 

 

**_space dad_ ** _ is offline. _

 

**local anime prince:** and then there were five

 

**_jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin_ ** _ is offline. _

**_emo kid_ ** _ is offline. _

 

**local anime prince:** three then

 

**_alluring_ ** _ is offline. _

**_lancey lance_ ** _ is offline. _

  
**local anime prince:** why do i fucking bother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shove over lance matt is the true seventh wheel


	3. please go away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an unexpected appearance freaks out the chat and it's up to keith to fix it

_April 21st at 14:00_

 

 **lancey lance:** for once i’m happy keith is asleep

 **jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** um why

 **literal sunshine:** you haven’t been to the lounge today, have you

 **local anime prince:** you two have tea so spill

 **lancey lance:** guys acxa’s here and in the lounge

 **jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** make her not be here

 **alluring:** pidge, what do you have against acxa

 **jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** ew

 **space dad:** she gets a “bad vibe”

 **jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** stfu she’s just not my favourite person okay

 **space zelda:** so no hate, but you just hate her

 **alluring:** romelle!

 **space zelda:** am i wrong

 **space dad:** so is anyone going to go up to acxa and ask why she’s here or are we going to just continue gossiping about her on here

 **local anime prince:** idk babe i’m lovin this tea

 **lancey lance:** well i’m not talking to her

 **alluring:** and that’s because…?

 **lancey lance:** she scares me

 **alluring:** aw

 **space zelda:** welp i’m going to go check and see if she’s still there

 **space zelda:** okay so

 **local anime prince:** tea sis

 **space zelda:** she saw me and asked if she could see keith

 **jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** she can’t

 **literal sunshine:** pidge can you pls just forget your salt for maybe two seconds

 **space dad:** guys i’m so close to snapping and going to wake keith up myself

 **jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** but look at him you can’t wake my child up

 

 **_jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin_ ** _sent an image._

 

 **lancey lance:** ~~oh my god im totally bi~~  holy fuck how can you look that cute when you’re sleeping

 **literal sunshine:** pidge we have to wake him up

 **jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** fine

 **emo kid:** what the fuck

 **emo kid:** i just wanted a nap

 **jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** i know i tried

 **emo kid:** i see that and i love you for it

 **alluring:** now get acxa out of our ship

 **local anime prince:** that has more than one meaning

 **literal sunshine:** huh

 **space zelda:** guys can you p l e a s e watch what you say i don’t feel like explaining this to him

 **space dad:** just go keith

 **lancey lance:** then come back to us with tea

 **emo kid:** if i die pidge gets the black lion

 **lancey lance:** never mind please perish

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> should i actually try to continue acxa being there and them dealing with her or nah


	4. soft boi must stay soft

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the chronicles of kidgellurance at midnight

_ April 22nd at 12:13 _

 

**lancey lance:** i’m booooooredddddd

**lancey lance:** guuuuuyyyyyyysssssssss

**jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** shut up

**lancey lance:** :’(((((((

**alluring:** just go to bed lance, it’s late

**lancey lance:** but i need to talk to someoneeeee

**alluring:** it’s just me and pidge on here, and we’re tired 

**lancey lance:** where’s everyone else

**jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** sleeping

**lancey lance:** fools, keith never sleeps

**lancey lance:** kEeF

**emo kid:** i’ve been exposed

**lancey lance:** keef i need someone to talk to

**emo kid:** and you think i’m that someone

**lancey lance:** ~~yes no~~ yes

**emo kid:** you sound so sure

**lancey lance:** shut up

**jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** how about both of you shut up

**emo kid:** even me?

**jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** especially you

**emo kid:** yup best friends forever

**jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** <3

**emo kid:** T-T

**emo kid:** good news

**alluring:** what

**emo kid:** lance is asleep

**jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** how do you know

**emo kid:** idk why but he showed up at my room and the second i opened the door he collapsed on the floor and fell asleep

 

**_emo kid_ ** _ has sent an image _

 

**alluring:** S O F T 

**jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** aw that’s really cute

**emo kid:** look at his fReCkLeS 

 

**_emo kid_ ** _ zoomed in on a picture _

 

**emo kid:** iCoNiC

**alluring:** wow i love this boy

**jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** lmao he has freckles

**emo kid:** iM GONNA CRY WHY DIDNT SOMEONE TELL ME HE HAD FRECKLES

**emo kid:** DONT YOU LEAVE ME ALONE 

**jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** oops i’m asleep

**emo kid:** fuck you

**jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** please do

**alluring:** did anyone else hear that scream from the left corridor or was that just me

**emo kid:** i have been aTTACKED   
****

**jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** ;)

**emo kid:** well if no one’s going to come get him lance is staying on the floor 

**emo kid:** okay i’m not that evil

 

**_emo kid_ ** _ has sent an image. _

 

**alluring:** DID YOU GIVE HIM A TEDDY BEAR

**emo kid:** doesn’t lance like teddy bears

**alluring:** I ‘ M  H A V I N G  A H E A R T A T T A C K 

**jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** i’m going to cry hE’S ALL WRAPPED UP IN THE BLANKETS THAT’S SO CUTE

**emo kid:** soft boi must remain soft

 

_ April 22nd at 8:00 _

 

**local anime prince:** why 

**space dad:** 52 notifications…

**space zelda:** you four have a problem

**literal sunshine:** lance looks cute though :3

**lancey lance:** kEiTh fUcKiNg kOgAnE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lance has freckles lance has freckles lance has freckles lance has freckles lance has freckles lance has freckles lance has freckles lance has freckles lance has freckles lance has freckles lance has freckles lance has freckles lance has freckles lance has freckles


	5. 'you. me. private chat. now.'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alternative title: matt is a dick

_April 23rd at 18:00_

 

 **lancey lance:** MATT WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU

 **space dad:** whoa there kiddo

 **lancey lance:** I’M GONNA KILL HIM

 **emo kid:** lance it’s okay

 **lancey lance:** _NO IT’S NOT OKAY HE CAN’T DO THAT_

 **space zelda:** back up a bit, what’s going on?

 **literal sunshine:** i think matt spilt some tea that wasn’t meant to be spilt

 **local anime prince:** HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW IT WAS A SECRET YOU KNEW

 **jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** YEAH WE KNEW BECAUSE HE TRUSTS US ENOUGH TO TELL US ON HIS OWN ACCORD

 **alluring:** are all of you going to make sure we remain in the dark or is someone going to explain what’s happening

 **jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** keith, we’ll tell only if you want us to

 **lancey lance:** yeah, we care about your feelings, unlike sOMEONE

 **local anime prince:** i sWEAR

 **emo kid:** do we have to tell everyone?

 **lancey lance:** _no of course not you pure baby boy we will protect you at all costs pidge and i will only tell the people you want us to tell i love and support you in almost everything you do please continue to be perfect in this way for the rest of time thank you_

 **emo kid:** wow thanks lance

 **lancey lance:** uwu

 **jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** who do you want to tell?

 **space zelda:** no pressure but i’m fucking dying to know so please tell me i mean only if you want to of course just putting it out there

 **emo kid:** um i guess one step at a time

 **emo kid:** can we tell allura?

 **jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** omf my baby yes we can tell allura <33333

 **emo kid:** <3

 **alluring:** so what exactly are you going to tell me

 **lancey lance:** you. me. private chat. now.

 **literal sunshine:** wow feeling the love

 **emo kid:** dw hunk you might be next

 **literal sunshine:** oh i was just joking, take your time keith~^^

 

 _~_ **_Mr. and Mrs. Blue Lion~_ **

_private chat between_ **_lancey lance_ ** _and_ **_alluring_ **

 

 **lancey lance:** okay so

 **alluring:** owo

 **lancey lance:** pidge and i were like ‘hey that boy band movie’s out we should totally go see it’ and pidge says we should ask keith if he wants to come so we go to his room to ask him, right?

 **alluring:** right.

 **lancey lance:** yeah, so we walk in his room and he’s sitting there fucking crying

 **alluring:** oh no!!! baby boy!!

 **lancey lance:** I JUST KNOW RIGHT

 **lancey lance:** so pidge and i are just hugging him and asking what’s wrong and he goes

 **lancey lance:** ‘i think i’m gay’

 **alluring:** OH MY GOD

 **lancey lance:** SIS ME TOO

 **alluring:** WHY WAS HE CRYING ABOUT IT

 **lancey lance:** HIS DAD WAS AGAINST IT AND WAS ALWAYS LIKE “IT’S A SIN OR WHATEVER” WHICH IS FUCKING BULLSHIT

 **alluring:** MY POOR BABY I WANT TO GIVE HIM A HUGGGG

 **lancey lance:** BUT IT DOESN’T STOP THERE

 **lancey lance:** we asked him what made him think that and he didn't really want to elaborate, but he said that he just never liked girls and kind of thought hunk was cute when he first met him which had mE UWUING EVERYWHERE

 **alluring:** I LOVE MY GAY BABY

 **lancey lance:** IKR WE HAVE TO BE A PAIR OF SUPPORTIVE™ PEOPLE FOR HIM BUT LISTEN

 **lancey lance:** so in the middle of pidge comforting him and telling him he’s perfect the way he is and all that (WHICH IS FUCKING T R U E) i look up and matt is standing in the doorway with his mouth wide open

 **alluring:** OH WORD???????????

 **lancey lance:** so keith starts crying again and pidge and i are just like ‘oh god oh fuck matt pls don’t tell’ but the little asshole just fucking bolts down the hallway and spills the tea to shiro, who was of course okay with and proud of it, but sTILL

 **alluring:** _SOMEONE’S ASS IS GETTING WHOOPED_

 **lancey lance:** SO YEAH NOW PIDGE IS FUCKING FURIOUS AT MATT WHO DOESN’T THINK HE DID ANYTHING WRONG AND KEITH IS A MESS THAT SAYS HE’S FINE WHEN HE’S NOT

 **alluring:** lance we highkey need to have a group hug like right fucking now

 **lancey lance:** princess i legit thought the same thing we are so on the same level here

 **alluring:** honestly lance

 **lancey lance:** can’t blame a guy for trying

 

**_voltorb: leg and dairy suspenders_ **

_group chat between_ **_lancey lance_ ** _,_ **_jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin_ ** _,_ **_emo kid_ ** _,_ **_alluring_ ** _,_ **_literal sunshine_ ** _,_ **_space dad_ ** _,_ **_space zelda_ ** _, and_ **_local anime prince_ **

 

 **_alluring_ ** _changed their own name to_ **_totally gonna beat matt’s ass_ **

 

 **_lancey lance_ ** _changed their own name to_ **_totally gonna cheer allura on_ **

 

 **_jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin_ ** _changed their own name to_ **_totally gonna help allura beat matt’s ass_ **

 

 **_literal sunshine_ ** _changed their own name to_ **_totally doesn’t know what’s going on_ **

 

 **_space dad_ ** _changed their own name to_ **_totally gonna try to stop them_ **

 

 **_space zelda_ ** _changed their own name to_ **_totally confused_ **

 

 **_emo kid_ ** _changed their own name to_ **_totally embarrassed_ **

  
**_local anime prince_ ** _changed their own name to_ **_gotta blast_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you love me now


	6. hAVE YOU HEARD OF LGBTQ+, WELL I AM THE G

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> keith spills the tea and hunk goes after pidge's prized title

_April 24th at 12:39_

 

 **local anime prince:** guys can we please just talk about this

 **space zelda:** i, for one, would love to understand what’s going on

 **literal sunshine:** c’mon guys, what happened

 **space dad:** the four of you haven’t spoken to anyone but each other, it’s time we told them

 **jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** i’m not going to make keith say anything he doesn’t want to

 **alluring:** it’s a very sensitive subject

 **lancey lance:** if you wanna know what it is, you have to apologise

 **emo kid:** wow supportive friends are the greatest

 **local anime prince:** keith i’m really sorry i told shiro without your permission, please forgive me senpai

 **emo kid:** drop the honorifics and i’ll forgive you

 **jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** what a weaboo

 **local anime prince:** 1\. stfu 2. tell them what it is

 **lancey lance:** keith?

 **space zelda:** keith im gonna die please tell us

 **literal sunshine:** don’t leave us on rEAD

 **alluring:** keith.

 **space dad:** it’s nothing to be ashamed of keith

 **jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin:** keith, we love you no matter what, okay?

 

 **_emo kid_ ** _changed_ **_jesus christ is that a fucking gremlin_ ** _’s name to_ **_keith’s favourite person_ **

 

 **lancey lance:** *inhuman noise*

 **keith’s favourite person:** perish hunk

 **literal sunshine:** keith this relationship is not going to work

 **alluring:** im dying of laughter

 **space zelda:** CAN YOU PLEASE JUST TELL US WHAT HAPPENED

 **emo kid:** i’m gay

 **lancey lance:** i would’ve put it in better terms but okay

 **emo kid:** hAVE YOU HEARD OF L G B T Q + W E L L  I  A M  T H E  G

 **alluring:** don’t you bring dodie into this

 **space zelda:** oh that’s all? awesome

**emo kid:**

**emo kid:** that’s all???????

 **space zelda:** well i thought it was something bad

 **space zelda:** did you really think we wouldn’t support you?

 **local anime prince:** yOu bAkA

 **keith’s favourite person:** someone put the otaku away

 **alluring:** why hasn’t hunk said anything?

 **lancey lance:** hunk you good buddy

 **space dad:** he just hopped off the couch and ran off to presumably give keith a hug

 **alluring:** knowing hunk, that’s just what’s happening

 **lancey lance:** pidge where are you going

 **keith’s favourite person:** HUNK IS AFTER MY TITLE

 **emo kid:** i have a hunk and a pidge hugging me i can die peacefully

 **literal sunshine:** I’LL HUG YOU EVERYDAY

 **keith’s favourite person:** I’LL HUG YOU EVERY FUCKING TIME I SEE YOU

 **literal sunshine:** I’LL NEVER LEAVE YOUR SIDE IN TIMES OF NEED

 **keith’s favourite person:** I’LL NEVER LEAVE YOUR SIDE PERIOD

 **literal sunshine:** I’M GONNA KILL YOU PIDGE

 **keith’s favourite person:** YOU CAN’T KEITH WILL BE NEXT TO ME IF YOU KILL ME AND IF YOU KILL ME THEN HE’LL BE SAD

 **space zelda:** you could kill her in her sleep

 **keith’s favourite person:** I NEVER LEAVE KEITH’S SIDE DUMBASSES

 **emo kid:** so you’re going to sleep in the same bed as me

 **keith’s favourite person:** Y E S

 **lancey lance:** this has been the team voltron group chat, come back every weekday at six for more

 **alluring:** here’s an overview of this episode: the secret’s out, matt’s an otaku, hunk and pidge are fighting for title of keith’s favorite person, and keith and pidge are sleeping in the same bed from now on

 **local anime prince:** they’re like the Hitachiin siblings

 **space dad:** one more anime crack and i’m pouring coran’s food goo on you

 **local anime prince:** you wouldn’t dare, silly senpai

 **local anime prince:** are you fucking serious

 **space dad:** no, remus is

 **lancey lance:** W O L F S T A R  H O L Y F U C K ASWDJKHIDRFXYDAY68ET236F

 **alluring:** wait no did he aCTUALLY DO IT

 **space zelda:** you are iconic shiro ily

 **lancey lance:** stay tuned kids

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we stan romelle in all her glory


	7. keith protection squad to the rescue (even though they'll probably just make things worse)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> romelle development, woo~

_ April 25th at 11:06 _

 

**literal sunshine:** HELP

**space zelda:** WHATS WRONG

**local anime prince:** MY TEXT TONE SCARED ME HOLY HECC

**space dad:** what’s up hunk

**literal sunshine:** MY RELATIONSHIP IS ON THE LINE 

**lancey lance:** ahhh this is a shay thing

**emo kid:** yeah isn’t your anniversary today

**literal sunshine:** EXACTLY MY PROBLEM: I FORGOT

**keith’s favourite person:** oh you dumbass

**literal sunshine:** I KNOW

**emo kid:** aren’t you enough? why do you need to get her something? i mean if i were dating someone, i wouldn’t want them to get me anything

**lancey lance:** so, basically, you are the gift

**literal sunshine:** BUT I HAVE TO GET HER SOMETHING CAUSE SHE GETS SOMETHING FOR ME

**space dad:** oh

**local anime prince:** see if you’d said that at first

**lancey lance:** it’d’ve made more sense

**alluring:** romelle you’ve been quiet

**keith’s favourite person:** hm

**emo kid:** ‘hm’ usually means you’ve got an idea stirring in that amazing brain of yours pidge

**keith’s favourite person:** who’s to say there is?

**lancey lance:** i’m to say there is. you’ve got an idea of what’s up with romelle

**local anime prince:** tea sis

**alluring:** keith protection squad?

**lancey lance:** keith protection squad.

**space dad:** what the frick

**local anime prince:**  ^^ that mood when u gotta be a good example for your children but some type of curse is necessary

 

**_❤️ keith protection squad ❤️_ **

_ group chat between  _ **_founder_ ** _ ,  _ **_president_ ** _ ,  _ **_secretary_ ** _ , and  _ **_mascot_ **

 

**_secretary_ ** _ added  _ **_space zelda_ **

 

**space zelda:** whoa wtf

**president:** welcome to the deepest depths of the kidgellurance group chat. i’m your president, Lance McClain

**founder:** i’m the founder and main protector of the mascot, Pidge Holt

**secretary:** i’m the secretary and blackmail keeper, Princess Allura

**mascot:** i’m not saying it

**founder:** c’mon keith, just say it

**mascot:** ...i’m the mascot

**president:** TOGETHER WE ARE THE KEITH PROTECTION SQUAD

**secretary:** and we’re here to help you with whatever the hell is bothering you

**space zelda:** well there’s nothing bothering me, so you’re wasting your time

**founder:** bitch please

**mascot:** denial isn’t cute, romelle

**space zelda:** well fine then, if you were to think something was bothering me, what would it be?

**president:** I’d say you’re jealous.

**founder:** oh shit lance is using proper grammar

**mascot:** jealous of who?

**president:** Hunk and Shay. Romelle has a crush on Hunk. 

**secretary:** ooh sister snapped

**space zelda:** i most certainly do not have a crush on hunk, you’re talking crazy lance.

**president:** Maybe I am, but you’re totally jealous nonetheless.

**mascot:** and that needs to be fixed

**founder:** exactly. you can’t drop the bomb on them on their anniversary.

**secretary:** you’ll have to wait

**space zelda:** but there is no bomb to drop! there's nothing there! 

**founder:** yeah sure

**space zelda:** i’m serious there’s nothing i should be jealous of

**secretary:** romelle, we haven’t known you for long, but we know you well enough to know that there’s some sort of tension between you and hunk

**president:** why you picked hunk i have no idea

**mascot:** and lance’s back to normal

**secretary:** ANYway, we’re going to help you work through it. when the time is right, you’ll tell him to get it off your chest

**founder:** then hopefully you’ll move on

**space zelda:** is this the first time you guys have done this

**mascot:** yes 

**president:** of course not, we have plenty of experience 

**mascot:** well i tried

**space zelda:** fine, i’ll play along. what do you suggest we do in the meantime?

 

**_president_ ** _ changed  _ **_space zelda_ ** _ ’s name to  _ **_honorary member_ **

 

**president:** we do what i do best

**secretary:** look cute while sleeping?

**mascot:** annoy me?

**founder:** scream vine references at galran commanders then racing into battle with them unarmed?

**president:** the other thing 

**secretary:** oh

**honorary member:** what?

**president:** drop hints :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lance: I WON'T HESITATE BITCH  
> galran commander: what the fuck


	8. matt is the eighth wheel i dare you to fight me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> stupid filler chapter before shit gets real serious what with the hunkelle drama and acxa (dw i haven't forgotten about her)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's impossibly short i'm so sorry

_April 26th at 8:17_

 

 **space dad:** who’s cooking dinner tonight i’m fricking starving

 **keith’s favourite person:** well last night was my mom so tonight is coran but tomorrow is hunk

 **literal sunshine:** YeS

 **alluring:** what’s on the menu?

 **literal sunshine:** you guys are one day away from nachos

 **keith’s favourite person:** that’s the most inspiring thing i’ve ever read

 **emo kid:** what if i manage to die today though??? i’ll never get the nachos???

 **lancey lance:** _then today is nacho lucky day_

 **keith’s favourite person:** i swear to god

 **alluring:** why

 **lancey lance:** :))))))))))))))))))

 **local anime prince:** you guys are talking about dinner back on earth meanwhile i’m out here in space just like "haha i'm starving tonight"

 **emo kid:** kosmo'll send you nachos 

 **local anime prince:** please marry into my family somehow so i can have that dog cause he is a blessing to this universe please and thank you

 


	9. lance shines like a million diamonds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> emo kid: i’ll handle it  
> keith's favourite person: i’ll come with you  
> emo kid: oh god thank you i didn’t want to go alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's shorter than usual but i fulfilled my weekly update so back off
> 
> no but next week's gonna be nice and long promise

_ April 27th at 13:56 _

 

**alluring:** guys there’s a situation

**keith’s favourite person:** there are many situations here, the biggest one being the threat of an insane galra lady taking over the universe, but please, describe which situation you mean at this moment

**alluring:** acxa’s back

**lancey lance:** tHaT ReMiNds mE

**local anime prince:** you never got back to us on what acxa said, keef

**space zelda:** tea. now. 

**emo kid:** she basically talked about Haggar’s position on us, all business stuff, but she did keep saying “we can discuss it in more detail on a walk,” or  “you can show me around earth”, and i just kept saying no but she’s not gonna take no this time, i can feel it

**space dad:** eugh, straight people are weird sometimes

**local anime prince:** ikr

**literal sunshine:** um

**lancey lance:** i’m half offended 

**keith’s favourite person:** peasants the power of asexuals compel you

**local anime prince:** go kiss your hand

**keith’s favourite person:** that was oNE TIME 

**alluring:** guys. acxa?

**emo kid:** i’ll handle it

**keith's favourite person:** i’ll come with you

**emo kid:** oh god thank you i didn’t want to go alone

 

**_emo kid_ ** _ is offline. _

 

**keith’s favourite person:** shiro i’ll need you on standby, i might cut a bitch

**space dad:** why am i not surprised

 

**_keith’s favourite person_ ** _ is offline. _

 

**_space dad_ ** _ is offline. _

 

**local anime prince:** this chat got really dead it’s legit been five minutes hello

**space zelda:** nah i’m still here

**lancey lance:** i am now beautiful on the inside as well the outside

**local anime prince:** that’s probably why we were dead for five minutes

**literal sunshine:** lance pls explain

**lancey lance:** i swallowed some glitter

**alluring:** oh god i’m taking you to the hospital

**lancey lance:** good because i think i’m in danger of dying

**space zelda:** jfc


	10. pidge is a meme thank you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alluring: i’m here, but hunk’s down for his nap  
> lancey lance: oh well we’ll tell him later; no one can wake him up unless they have a death wish  
> emo kid: i volunteer as tribute  
> lancey lance: no you don’t sit down you idiot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's still super short but writer's block has been hitting me hard, and i've been working on other stories recently
> 
> so to make it up to you, this'll be part 1 of 2 for this week
> 
> wowee a double whammy

_ April 27th at 15:45 _

 

**space dad:** coast is clear, acxa’s gone

**local anime prince:** so how’d it go

**emo kid:** well pidge was less than helpful

**keith’s favourite person:** she was challenging my power as your best friend

**lancey lance:** did you t-pose to assert dominance 

**keith’s favourite person:** THAT WAS THE THING I WANTED TO DO 

**space zelda:** so it didn’t go well?

**emo kid:** well because i brought pidge and shiro she didn’t flirt nearly as much so progress ig

**lancey lance:** hang on where’s hunk and allura

**alluring:** i’m here, but hunk’s down for his nap

**lancey lance:** oh well we’ll tell him later; no one can wake him up unless they have a death wish

**emo kid:** i volunteer as tribute

**lancey lance:** no you don’t sit down you idiot

**keith’s favourite person:** some people are like slinkies

**space zelda:** and she’s still hung up on acxa 

**alluring:** pidge, explain

**keith’s favourite person:** they’re not good for much, but you smile when they fall down the stairs

**emo kid:** pidge i appreciate the love but please don’t push acxa down the stairs

**keith’s favourite person:** you can’t stop me

 


	11. giraffe x matt: a discussion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alluring: WHY DO GIRAFFES HAVE PURPLE SLUGS FOR TONGUES  
> emo kid: somehow i knew taking allura to the zoo was a bad idea  
> local anime prince: WHY DO YOU HAVE WEIRD MARKINGS UNDER YOUR EYES  
> space zelda: ouch, wtf matt  
> alluring: EXCUSE ME  
> local anime prince: STOP BEING GIRAFFE RACIST

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't ask me why matt is like this cause i have no idea

_ April 28th at 17:37 _

 

**lancey lance:** help

**keith’s favourite person:** ?

**lancey lance:** too late her phone’s out

**alluring:** WHY DO GIRAFFES HAVE PURPLE SLUGS FOR TONGUES

**emo kid:** somehow i knew taking allura to the zoo was a bad idea

**local anime prince:** WHY DO YOU HAVE WEIRD MARKINGS UNDER YOUR EYES

**space zelda:** ouch, wtf matt

**alluring:** EXCUSE ME

**local anime prince:** STOP BEING GIRAFFE RACIST

**literal sunshine:** what happened to matt to make him so protective of giraffes

**space dad:** a giraffe licked him once and now he’s like the giraffe gandhi

**keith’s favourite person:** the giraffe that licked him was also his first boyfriend

**local anime prince:** FUCK OFF GEOFFREY WAS SPECIAL TO ME

**lancey lance:** then i shouldn’t mention the fact that there’s a new baby giraffe named gavin with parents named gertrude and  _ geoffrey _ ?

**literal sunshine:** aw baby giraffe

**emo kid:** damn, geoffrey’s moved on 

**local anime prince:** GEOFFREY WHAT THE FUCK 

**space zelda:** lance what have you done

**local anime prince:** I BROUGHT YOU ACACIA LEAVES EVERY WEEK 

**space dad:** matt that’s illegal

**keith’s favourite person:** where did you find acacia leaves

**local anime prince:** T H A T ‘ S  N O T  R E L E V A N T  R I G H T N O W

**alluring:** what’s relevant is matt’s giraffe boyfriend moving on to gertrude over here

**local anime prince:** EXACTLY

**local anime prince:** HOW DID HE MOVE ON SO QUICKLY

**space dad:** matt it was seven years ago

**keith’s favourite person:** i bet he heard about the kerberos mission

**local anime prince:** SH I T WHAT IF HE DID OH GOD HE THINKS I’M DEAD

**emo kid:** and he got depressed

**local anime prince:** NYMA’S STARING AT ME LIKE I’M INSANE BUT I DON’T CARE

**literal sunshine:** but then gertrude came along and comforted him

**local anime prince:** I AM THIS CLOSE TO TAKING MY SHUTTLE BACK TO EARTH AND PUNCHING A FUCKING G I R A F F E

**lancey lance:** fifteen months later, geoffrey the bisexual giraffe learned to move on from his probably dead human boyfriend and settle down with gertrude and have a kid named  _ fucking gavin what kind of a person names a giraffe gavin he sounds like a goddamn fuck boy matt control your fucking ex what the pure fuck _

**space zelda:** you go geoffrey

**local anime prince:** I KNOW RIGHT I WOULD’VE NAMED HIM GIOVANNI

**keith’s favourite person:** that is sO MUCH WORSE  _ DO YOU WANT YOUR GIRAFFE SON TO BE BULLIED AT GIRAFFE SCHOOL _

**literal sunshine:** _ giraffe school _

**space dad:** what the frick is wrong with all of you

**emo kid:** aside from all that, how’s the zoo 

**lancey lance:** actually really fun allura’s favourite so far is the elephants

**alluring:** there was a baby elephant i almost cried

**space zelda:** wait you saw an elephant?????? what did the noses look like???????

 

**_alluring_ ** _ sent an image _

 

**space zelda:** ohhhhhh

**local anime prince:** LET ME SEE GEOFFREY

 

**_lancey lance_ ** _ sent an image _

 

**local anime prince:** that’s...that’s not geoffrey

**space dad:** he’s right; the spots are too dark

**lancey lance:** his picture has the name geoffrey labeled next to it don’t blame me

**literal sunshine:** well then where’s the real geoffrey 

**alluring:** i’ll ask an employee

**space zelda:** this is a bigger anomaly then the big bang

**emo kid:** the mystery of matt’s giraffe boyfriend

**keith’s favourite person:** allura tell us

**lancey lance:** you don’t wanna know

**local anime prince:** WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM

**alluring:** um well

**space dad:** i think i know

**lancey lance:** about five years ago a giraffe named geoffrey died, and the geoffrey we have now was named after him

**emo kid:** oh shit

**local anime prince:** W H A T

**space zelda:** at least he didn’t move on from you...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if your name is gavin but u a fuckboy (jk i'm sure you're awesome fam)


	12. the shatt christmas special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lancey lance: CHRISTMAS
> 
> emo kid: HALLOWEEN
> 
> literal sunshine: thanksgiving
> 
> space dad: easter
> 
> keith’s favourite person: donkey!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i fucked up the time schedules so this is the best christmas special you're getting

_April 29th at 19:42_

 

 **lancey lance:** wHOS HYPE FOR CHRISTMAS

 **keith’s favourite person:** lance it’s goddamn sPRING

 **lancey lance:** BUT CHRISTMAS IS ONLY EIGHT MONTHS AWAY PIDGE

 **literal sunshine:** _ONLY????_

 **alluring:** i don’t know, i want to have my first christmas as soon as possible

 **space zelda:** me too!

 **space dad:** can you at least wait until july lance it’s so early

 **local anime prince:** didn’t we just have christmas five months ago?

 **keith’s favourite person:** technically, we didn’t cause you don’t get christmas in space because they have no idea who the fuck jesus is

 **keith’s favourite person:** in short, matt doesn’t get christmas this year

 **local anime prince:** whatever

 **emo kid:** you know what’s only six months away

 **emo kid:** halloween

 **emo kid:** are we just gonna skip over the best holiday ever or

 **local anime prince:** kim taehyung over here’s got a point

 **emo kid:** excuse me tae doesn’t even have a mullet anymore you absolute fuck

 **lancey lance:** BeSt HoLiDaY?????????????????????

 **keith’s favourite person:** here we go

 **emo kid:** well yeah i mean you don’t get to dress up on christmas

 **lancey lance:** BUT HALLOWEEN HAS NO SENSE OF R O M A N C E

 **lancey lance:** THERE’S NO MISTLETOE

 **emo kid:** two words: coUPLE COSTUMES 

 **emo kid:** WHEN ELSE DO YOU GET TO DRESS UP AS SOME ICONIC COUPLE???

 **local anime prince:** u mean shiro and me

 **space dad:** not the time matt

 **local anime prince:** but we’re destined

 **alluring:** keith, lance, please continue for the sake of this chat

 **literal sunshine:** yeah, i’d take your rivalry over pining matt anyday

 **lancey lance:** that’s fair

 **emo kid:** anyway

 **lancey lance:** CHRISTMAS IS BETTER

 **emo kid:** NO HALLOWEEN

 **lancey lance:** CHRISTMAS

 **emo kid:** HALLOWEEN

 **lancey lance:** CHRISTMAS

 **emo kid:** HALLOWEEN

 **literal sunshine:** thanksgiving

 **lancey lance:** CHRISTMAS

 **emo kid:** HALLOWEEN

 **lancey lance:** CHRISTMAS

 **emo kid:** HALLOWEEN

 **space dad:** easter

 **lancey lance:** CHRISTMAS

 **emo kid:** HALLOWEEN

 **lancey lance:** CHRISTMAS

 **emo kid:** HALLOWEEN

 **alluring:** what even is happening

 **space zelda:** idk

 **lancey lance:** CHRISTMAS

 **emo kid:** HALLOWEEN

 **lancey lance:** CHRISTMAS

 **emo kid:** HALLOWEEN

 **local anime prince:** pride month

 **emo kid:** agree

 **lancey lance:** CHRISTMAS

 **emo kid:** neVER MIND HALLOWEEN

 **lancey lance:** CHRISTMAS

 **emo kid:** HALLOWEEN

 **literal sunshine:** thanksgiving

 **space dad:** easter

 **keith’s favourite person:** donkey!

 **lancey lance:** FINE IF YOU THINK HALLOWEEN IS BETTER KEITH, I JUST WON’T GIVE YOU YOUR CHRISTMAS PRESENT

 **emo kid:**...you got me a present

 **lancey lance:** well yeah i got everyone presents

 **lancey lance:** allura’s should be shipping in one to two business months

 **alluring:** owo

 **lancey lance:** but iF YOU LIKE HALLOWEEN SO MUCH THEN I WON’T GIVE YOU YOUR ARMY BOMB

**emo kid:** _YOU GOT ME A WHAT NOW_

**emo kid:** CHRISTMAS IS BETTER I SURRENDER

 **lancey lance:** that’s what i thought

 **space zelda:** i’m so confused

 


	13. season eight spoilers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> emo kid: hey not to be dramatic but i would die for pidge and the goddamn show needs to portray that  
> keith’s favourite person: i love my gay best friend  
> local anime prince: she loves her friend, she loves her friend, her gAY BEST FRIEND  
> literal sunshine: heathers, really?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AU WHERE ALLURA DIDN'T FUCKING DIE AND VLD IS LIKE 80'S VOLTRON IN THE VLD UNIVERSE SO THE PALADINS ARE ALL ALIVE AND HAPPY UNTIL THEY WATCH SEASON EIGHT CAUSE LIKE WHAT THE EVERLIVING FUCK DREAMWORKS

_April 30th at 19:36_

 

 **space dad:** ALLURA

 **literal sunshine:** ALLURAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **alluring:** _GUYS IT’S JUST A TV SHOW_

 **space zelda:** BUT YOU  D I E D

 **alluring:** IN CASE YOU HAVEN’T NOTICED, I’M STILL ALIVE

 **alluring:** although i’m not sure why i died in the first place

 **emo kid:** that show about us is so weird

 **keith’s favourite person:** woke

 **local anime prince:** shit

 **keith’s favourite person:** why do i barely talk to keith everything else is pretty accurate besides allura dying but my relationship with keith’s extent is just ‘oh yeah that person exists’ and that’s nOT OKAY cause like we’re  b e s t f r i e n d s and it pisses me off thank you and goodnight

 **emo kid:** lyt pidge

 **lancey lance:** owo

 **emo kid:** don’t

 **space zelda:** please no

 **lancey lance:** I KNEW WE WERE DESTINED ALLURA I KNEW IT THE SHOW KNOWS ITS SHIT EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT YOU DIED NEVER MIND THAT I CRIED BUT OH MY GOD WE’RE CANON

 **space dad:** we were just saying how the show’s inaccurate

 **alluring:** i’ll admit it we were cute asf but then i died

 **literal sunshine:** how are you so calm about that

 **alluring:** i’m already dead inside it’s not a big change

 **local anime prince:** guys i’m barely in that fucking show i should be the one that’s upset you have no right

 **space zelda:** are we going to ignore the fact that lance is altean now

 **emo kid:** that doesn’t even make any sense

 **lancey lance:** allura make me altean irl i want them blue marks

 **keith’s favorite person:** priorities lance

 **lancey lance:** said the person who’s only complaint was that keith barely talked to them in the show

 **emo kid:** hey not to be dramatic but i would die for pidge and the goddamn show needs to portray that

 **keith’s favourite person:** i love my gay best friend

 **local anime prince:** she loves her friend, she loves her friend, her gAY BEST FRIEND

 **literal sunshine:** heathers, really?

 **lancey lance:** keith i just realised that if i’m half altean

 **space dad:** which you’re not

 **lancey lance:** and you’re half galran

 **space dad:** yeah okay that he is

 **lancey lance:** then if we had a kid

 **emo kid:** please don’t make me think about that it’s the stuff of nightmares

 **lancey lance:** then it’d be some badass galran/altean/human thing

 **emo kid:** also the most depressed fucking thing on the planet

 **keith’s favourite person:** please never spawn something as terrifying as a child

 **lancey lance:** it wasn't my intention, just speculating here

 **emo kid:** i hate this conversation and everyone on here

 **lancey lance:** keith you’ll upset the baby

 **alluring:** wait you didn’t actually have a baby right

 **lancey lance:** nah i meant hunk

 **literal sunshine:** rude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no but i'm so angry why the fuck did they kill her and let lance live a life of sadness


	14. MEME: wtf is going on in this chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> not the actual chapter 14, not in the voltorb canon lmao
> 
> real one should be out in a week or so

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologise in advance

_ May 1st at 7:04 _

 

**lancey lance:** k so

**space dad:** and i’m up

**literal sunshine:** good morning!   
**lancey lance:** why hasn’t keith answered my calls

**keith’s favourite person:** keith is currently mia

**space zelda:** why?

**keith’s favourite person:** i’m not in the position to tell you that

**alluring:** you’re his favourite person

**keith’s favourite person:** beside the point

**local anime prince:** give us the tea

**emo kid:** Hehe, I’ll tell you myself~!

**lancey lance:** ...what the fuck is that and what the fuck did it do to keith

**keith’s favourite person:** this is why he’s been mia

**literal sunshine:** keith are you okay

**space zelda:** do we need to call someone

**emo kid:** No? I’m fine, my chingus! ^^

**space dad:** i’m put off by this not because i didn’t know he was korean, but because he never speaks korean unless he needs to

**alluring:** especially not when he’s speaking english in the same sentence

**local anime prince:** _ what the fuck is a chingu _

**keith’s favourite person:** keith, come on

**emo kid:** okay fine but that was fun

**lancey lance:** keith explain

**emo kid:** so my eyes have been opened

**emo kid:** you guys ever heard of armys?

**alluring:** keith we were in a war we know what armies are

**keith’s favourite person:** no, no, not armies. armys.

**literal sunshine:** then,,,no,,,

**emo kid:** well you’re in for a ride

 

**_emo kid_ ** _ sent an image. _

  
  


**space zelda:** why is my heart pounding

**local anime prince:** holy fucking shit i am so fucking gay jesus christ

**space dad:** *squints cause bright light they are shiny as frick*

**literal sunshine:** i like the one with the blue hair

**keith’s favourite person:** jimin is so your type wow

**alluring:** who

**lancey lance:** okay so seven hot guys are on my screen, why are they on my screen

**emo kid:** the amazing world of kpop shall explain 

**space dad:** oh my god no

**keith’s favourite person:** nOPE I WAS ROPED INTO THIS SO YOURE COMING TOO

**emo kid:** ☆w☆

**space zelda:** i am scared for my life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah bts look em up, stan. they're pretty great.


	15. the wailing water kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lancey lance: so i just wanted to tell you guys that my nephew is possessed  
> emo kid: and i’m on my way to bring you back to the garrison

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have some og paladins for the soul

_ May 2nd at 1:04 _

 

**lancey lance:** um

**space dad:** lance it is 1 am this better be good

**literal sunshine:** what’s up?

**space dad:** _ jesus christ hunk go to bed _

**keith’s favourite person:** lance don’t you dare leave us on read after waking us up

**emo kid:** hah that’s weird the original paladins are the only ones online

**literal sunshine:** HNNNNN GYRGANNNNNNNNNNN

**emo kid:** wait no

**space dad:** anygay what did you need lance?

**lancey lance:** well i mean

**lancey lance:** allura and i are staying with my family until we go to space right

**emo kid:** right

**keith’s favourite person:** yep

**lancey lance:** so i got saddled w/ my nephews

**literal sunshine:** oH

**space dad:** rip lance we’ll miss you

**lancey lance:** ^^ actually tho

**keith’s favourite person:** is there a point to this or

**lancey lance:** not really i just wanted to tell you guys that my nephew is possessed

**emo kid:** and i’m on my way to bring you back to the garrison 

**literal sunshine:** explain????

**lancey lance:** he just sat up and wouldn’t stop screaming ‘uncle lance’ until i showed him i was there by drinking some water (cause hYDRATION) and then he just went back to sleep wtf

**space dad:** should i call the exorcist or

**literal sunshine:** maybe he had a nightmare?

**keith’s favourite person:** why would he need lance to drink water if he had a nightmare

**lancey lance:** yeah i mean i was like ‘hey what’s wrong’ but he wouldn’t stop screaming until i drank some water

**emo kid:** well that’s freaky, considering you’re the guardian spirit of water

**literal sunshine:** someone call buzzfeed unsolved

**space dad:** the case of the wailing water kid

**emo kid:** oh that reminds me

**emo kid:** pidge, when’s our next cryptid hunt

**keith’s favourite person:** OH MY GOD YES WE NEED TO GO SOON

**lancey lance:** wow another pointless stroll through the woods to find something that doesn’t even exist 

**literal sunshine:** idk, i think it’s kinda sweet how they go on these little hunts together

**space dad:** yeah don’t be a hater lance, it helps their bond

**lancey lance:** what do you mean ‘helps their bond’ 

**lancey lance:** look at them, their bond is friendship goals

**emo kid:** fuck off lance

**lancey lance:** well shit ilyt keith

**literal sunshine:** what

**lancey lance:** what?

**emo kid:** well it’s OBVIOUS WE AREN’T WANTED HERE,,,

**lancey lance:** is he talking about me

**emo kid:** so pidge, i’m coming over in ten so we can pLAN OUR COMPLETELY NORMAL AND FUN HUNT

**literal sunshine:** what don’t go over now it’s 1:30 in the morning

**keith’s favourite person:** okay, i’ll get the food and recent sightings OF INTERESTING CREATURES THAT ARE REAL out 

**lancey lance:** yeah they’re talking about me

**space dad:** nvm lance’s right, they are friendship goals

**literal sunshine:** well if you’re going on your hunt, please just stay safe ok?

**emo kid:** i can’t breathe

**keith’s favourite person:** you’re so gay jesus christ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can pry kidge cryptid bros out of my cOLD DEAD HANDS


	16. this went from kosmo problems to...oh, oH SHI--

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> queen: no, if he’s going to stay, he needs to be trained  
> local anime prince: do you have a rebuttal  
> lancey lance: keith?  
> space zelda: he didn’t even read it…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: tries to make the plot serious  
> all of you: lmao no

_ May 3rd at 17:38 _

 

**space zelda:** kEIIIIIIIITH

**emo kid:** i can’t escape you people ever can i 

**local anime prince:** nah 

**literal sunshine:** nope

**space dad:** but you love us so it’s okay

**lancey lance:** what’s up romelle 

**space zelda:** keith’s space dog chewed up my favourite slippers, and now my feet are cold

**literal sunshine:** you can borrow my slippers until we can get you some new ones~

**space zelda:** *deep inhale*

**lancey lance:** chill

**space zelda:** what do you mean chill i’m totally chill yep that’s me chill romelle

**alluring:** you think that’s bad? kosmo has chewed on a million things of mine. my dress, my hair, my tiaras, once he tried to eat plachu, the list goes on. and every time i have to tell him to stop and/or throw a shoe because keith rEFUSES to permanently put a stop to it.

 

**_lancey lance_ ** _ changed  _ **_alluring_ ** _ ’s name to  _ **_queen_ **

 

**queen:** thank you lance

**emo kid:** it’s not my fault! he’s a wolf, he has instincts

**local anime prince:** annoying instincts

**keith’s favourite person:** could you all please shut up

**space dad:** um why

**keith’s favourite person:** we’re losing the hide-behind’s trail

**literal sunshine:** omg be careful be careful be careful

**lancey lance:** oh right, you guys went on that dumb cryptid hunt today

**emo kid:** yeah, and i WAS enjoying myself

**space zelda:** it’s not my fault your mangy dog is untrained

**queen:** in fact, i’m going to train him

**emo kid:** oh come on allura

**queen:** no, if he’s going to stay, he needs to be trained

**local anime prince:** do you have a rebuttal

**lancey lance:** keith?

**space zelda:** he didn’t even read it…

**space dad:** they probably just found a trace of the whatever and have to be quiet 

**literal sunshine:** that makes me worried

**queen:** it’s been ten minutes…

**lancey lance:** that’s it i’m calling him

**space dad:** keep us posted 

**literal sunshine:** who’s with lance rn

**queen:** me

**literal sunshine:** tell us what they’re saying

**queen:** alright…

**space zelda:** i’m shaking

**queen:** he answered!

**space zelda:** aGH

**queen:** “Keith? Why are you crying?”

**local anime prince:** oh no

**queen:** “Calm down, okay? Deep breaths, it’s okay.”

**literal sunshine:** oh keith pls tell us what happened my poor child

**queen:** “Now, tell me what happened.”

**space dad:** please

**queen:** ...

**space zelda:** allura?

**queen:** “...What do you mean, ‘It took Pidge?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *evil laughter* *coughs* oof phlegm


	17. oh my god he just ran in there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> space dad: lance you better keep veronica in line i swear to god she just asked me why i was texting during a paladin crisis bish this chat is the paladin crisis she better back the frick up  
> space zelda: i should nOT BE LAUGHING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm trying to plot and it's not going too well but meh 
> 
> i mean at least i'm trying

_May 3rd at 18:59_

 

 **local anime prince:** WHERE IS MY SISTER?! YOU BETTER ANSWER ME THIS IS THE TENTH TIME I'M TRYING TO GET THROUGH TO YOU GUYS

 **space dad:** it’s okay matt, the rest of voltron is on their way to keith’s location right now, we all just have to stay calm

 **local anime prince:** sorry, it’s just a little nerve-racking when your little sister was captured by a god-forsaken cryptological being and yOU CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT BECAUSE YOU’RE IN FUCKING SPACE

 **space zelda:** well when you put it that way

 **queen:** CAN ALL OF YOU  P L E A S E SHUT UP

 **local anime prince:** nO

 **local anime prince:** what about keith anyway? what’s he doing while the rest of you are on your way? just sTANDING THERE?

 **lancey lance:** he said something about following...the trail

 **local anime prince:** trail of what…?

 **emo kid:** not important now, i’ve got her scent

 **lancey lance:** i always knew being part galra made you a badass werecat/furry

 **literal sunshine:** KEITH THANK GOD

 **space zelda:** you hadn’t answered us! we were so worried!

 **emo kid:** well im totally and completely fine now

 **space dad:** um actually i’m fairly certain you were in shock for like an hour cause you were mia

 **emo kid:** actually i was mia cause there was a hot hiker guy climbing up the mountain-OF COURSE I WAS IN SHOCK MY BEST FRIEND WAS JUST TAKEN BY SOMETHING YOU CAN’T EVEN SEE HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO PROCESS THAT AND/OR GET HER BACK

 **lancey lance:** okay first of all sass isn’t gonna get us anywhere mister also who was this hiker guy i just wanna talk

 **queen:** not the time lance

 **lancey lance:** fair enough

 **literal sunshine:** wait you’ve got hER SCENT

 **space dad:** where does it lead

 **space dad:** lance you better keep veronica in line i swear to god she just asked me why i was texting during a paladin crisis bish this chat is the paladin crisis she better back the frick up

 **space zelda:** i should nOT BE LAUGHING

 **local anime prince:** keith??? where does it lead???

 **queen:** by any chance would it lead into that scary dark ruin that we’re closing in on cause i really hope not

 **queen:** shit it does lead into there

 **literal sunshine:** K E I T H

 **local anime prince:** WHAT DID HE DO

 **lancey lance:** oh my god he just ran in there kEITH YOU IDIOT

 **space dad:** it makes us closer to catching pidge i guess…?

 **space zelda:** well not if it means the paladins are running into a dark ruin where an invisible cryptid lurks

 **local anime prince:** wow way to keep our hopes high romelle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's short but tHIS SHIT IS HARD SO 
> 
> i'm trying to make longer chapters but writer's block is just d e s t r o y i n g me
> 
> i'll try i swear


	18. *sips tea from space*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> queen: LANCE CAN YOU TURN DOWN YOUR MUSIC I CAN HEAR IT FROM MY LION  
> lancey lance: I NEED TO DROWN OUT MY THOUGHTS AND MAYBE BLACKPINK IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN DO THAT ALLURA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who's back again

_ May 3rd at 23:15 _

 

**literal sunshine:** mISSION ACCOMPLISHED

**space zelda:** OH THEY’RE ALIVE THANK ALTEA

**space dad:** it’s been s i x  h o u r s

**local anime prince:** p l e a s e  tell me you found my sister

**queen:** UNCONSCIOUS BUT ALIVE

**space dad:** you guys were off the radar for a while, what happened?

**emo kid:** you know, had to attack an invisible being and drag an unconscious person out of a ruin in the middle of a forest. the usual.

**literal sunshine:** yeah honestly this doesn’t make our list of top five weirdest things we’ve ever encountered 

**space dad:** lance u ok

**emo kid:** he’s fine he’s just shocked that i’m right about something for once 

**lancey lance:** it was real...we really fought a...a…

**emo kid: “** thing that doesn’t even exist”

**emo kid:** i believe those were your words?

**lancey lance:** i need to sit down 

**queen:** c’mon lance we’re almost to the garrison just hang on 

**space zelda:** aren’t you in your lion ???? you’re already sitting ?????

**lancey lance:** iT’s a FiGuRe oF sPeEcH

**space zelda:** WELL ITS CONFUSING

**local anime prince:** i’m just happy pidge is ok

**literal sunshine:** yep, she and keith are in my lion with me!

**local anime prince:** god bless hunk 

**space dad:** how’s she looking btw

**emo kid:** her wounds don’t look too bad,,, ofc i wouldn’t know,,,, dammit shiro now im worried

**space dad:** sorry

**queen:** LANCE CAN YOU TURN DOWN YOUR MUSIC I CAN HEAR IT FROM MY LION

**lancey lance:** I NEED TO DROWN OUT MY THOUGHTS AND MAYBE BLACKPINK IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN DO THAT ALLURA

**lancey lance:** I DOUBT YOU CAN EVEN HEAR IT

**queen:** _ BEEN A BAD GIRL, I KNOW I AM, AND IM SO HOT, I NEED A FAN, I DONT WANNA BOY, I NEED A MAN _

**lancey lance:** aswdjhkflqr

**lancey lance:** FiNe i’LL tUrN iT dOwN

**local anime prince:** im cackling 

**literal sunshine:** allura lives up to her contact name

**space zelda:** um shiro is that who i think it is

**space dad:** oh come oN

**space dad:** WE JUST FREAKING SAVED A PALADIN’S LIFE WE DONT NEED THIS

**emo kid:** what is it?

**lancey lance:** what now i’m so tired and confused

**literal sunshine:** don’t tell me 

**local anime prince:** *sips tea from space*

**space zelda:** yep

**queen:** oh come on

**space dad:** sorry team but…

**space dad:** acxa’s back.


	19. angery red boi and energetic blue boi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> emo kid: okay we need to talk  
> local anime prince: can you do it here?  
> emo kid is offline.  
> lancey lance is offline.  
> space zelda: guess not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and the acxa storyline closes to a close

_ May 4th at 8:07 _

 

**local anime prince:** so how’d it go?

**literal sunshine:** is acxa finally gonna leave us alone?

**literal sunshine:** wait that sounds mean

**space zelda:** well?

**emo kid:** im so fucking stupid

**space dad:** what did you do

**emo kid:** nothing….much

**queen:** the one day pidge is hospitalised

**lancey lance:** fear not! i will take over as pidge for the day!   
****

**emo kid:** okay pidge 2.0 we need to talk

**local anime prince:** can you do it here?

 

**_emo kid_ ** _ is offline. _

 

**_lancey lance_ ** _ is offline. _

 

**space zelda:** guess not

  
  


**_the red lion is our helicopter mom_ **

_ private chat between  _ **_emo kid_ ** _ and  _ **_lancey lance_ **

  
  


**lancey lance:** bro wtf did you do

**emo kid:** you might wanna sit down

**lancey lance:** am sitting, continue

**emo kid:** okay so

**emo kid:** she walked up and said ‘hey keith there’s something i need to talk to you about’ and i just

**lancey lance:** im scared

**emo kid:** i screamed ‘im gay’ at the top of my lungs

**lancey lance:** i jUST SNORTED WHAT THE ACTUAL F U C K  KEITH

**emo kid:** i pANICKED OKAY

**emo kid:** _ BUT IT DOESN’T STOP T H E R E _

**lancey lance:** tHeRe’S mOrE??????

**emo kid:** first of all, she responded with ‘oh cool man me too’

**lancey lance:** bAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA   
**emo kid:** _ SHUT UP _

**lancey lance:** but this is so f u n n y

**emo kid:** _im not kidding if you dont shut up ill throw you out of the window i dont give a fuck what allura says_

**lancey lance:**

**lancey lance:** shutting up

**emo kid:** thank you

**emo kid:** yeah so uh it turns out the only reason she was trying to get close to me was because i was close to you

**lancey lance:** O.o

**emo kid:** and she wanted me to put a good word in for her to you so you’d put a good word in for her to veronica, who she apparently has a crush on

**lancey lance:** wOW

**lancey lance:** THIS IS CONFUSING AS FUCK BUT I MEAN YOU GO ACXA

**lancey lance:** VOLTRON PRIDE MAN 

**lancey lance:** MORE THAN 50% OF US ARE EITHER LGBTQ+ OR ALLIES THIS IS CULTURE

**emo kid:** hopefully acxa’ll work up the nerve to talk to veronica

**lancey lance:** i will most definitely put a good word in for her

**emo kid:** thanks for being my pidge for today lance

**lancey lance:** hey what are friends for 

**lancey lance:** no seriously what are friends for i feel like mine hate me

**emo kid:** lance we talked about this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> platonic klance for the soul


	20. craig

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> local anime prince: you know, y e e t  
> queen: ,,,,what,,,,  
> lancey lance: y E e T  
> space zelda: okay you guys better stop before you get your ass b e a t i swear to god

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pidge is awake uwu

_ May 5th at 15:59 _

 

**keith’s favourite person:** henlo friends

**literal sunshine:** aSWDJKHFL

**space zelda:** PIDGE YOU’RE AWAKEEEEEEE

**keith’s favourite person:** yeah i kinda just woke up like a minute ago

**queen:** we were really worried hhhhh

**space dad:** totally, but pidge it is 4am did you have to text us now?

**keith’s favourite person:** well yeah, i need someone to bust me outta the hospital it’s boring here

**lancey lance:** ffs pidge 

**keith’s favourite person:** :) 

**lancey lance:** what

**keith’s favourite person:** i bet you feel stupid cause i can prove cryptids are real cause i have the scratch marks :)))))))))))))))))

**local anime prince:** FFS PIDGE

**lancey lance:** keith just  f l e w out of the lounge where’s he goin

**space dad:** you get three guesses

**keith’s favourite person:** a rock just hit the window keith wyd;;;

**keith’s favourite person:** jESUS CHRIST

**queen:** oof what happened

**emo kid:** i scaled the wall

**keith’s favourite person:** yeah he scaled the wall

**literal sunshine:** y’all are gonna get kicked out of the hospital

**local anime prince:** they’re living dangerously hunk,,,,they live on the yeet side of life

**space dad:** wh--what does that mean

**local anime prince:** you know, y e e t

**queen:** ,,,,what,,,,

**lancey lance:** y E e T

**space zelda:** okay you guys better stop before you get your ass  b e a t  i swear to god

**literal sunshine:** SKSKSKSK ROMELLE

**emo kid:** hospital food doesn’t taste good

**keith’s favourite person:** i told you not to eat it

**emo kid:** but i was hungry

**lancey lance:** keith how come you didn’t scale a hospital wall for me when i broke my leg two months ago?

**emo kid:** because i was too happy to move

**lancey lance:** do you really think i believe that

**emo kid:** yeah no i didn’t come because i was asleep when you woke up so

**queen:** this is sad

**lancey lance:** allura you’re my fake girlfriend you’re supposed to be on my side

**queen:** sorry bub you’re on your own

**keith’s favourite person:** I FOREVER RULE AS KEITH’S FAVOURITE PERSON 

**emo kid:** hell yeah you do

**literal sunshine:** ;;;;

**emo kid:** oomf hunk i

**literal sunshine:** it’s okay keef i know she brainwashed you

**local anime prince:** what the everliving fuck

 

**_lancey lance_ ** _ changed  _ **_literal sunshine_ ** _ ’s name to  _ **_craig_ **

 

**space dad:** what

**lancey lance:** i don’t know that’s the first thing that popped into my mind hang on

 

**_lancey lance_ ** _ changed  _ **_craig_ ** _ ’s name to  _ **_are you okay_ **

 

**space dad:** okay

**are you okay:** no! :D

**space zelda:** *concerned dolphin noises*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the real reason keith didn't go see lance was because he was making happy dolphin noises
> 
> (^^ idk what it means just accept it)


	21. langst warning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> who’s got eyes on blue?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my muses spoke to me and convinced me to serve some cold hard langst

_May 6th at 19:38_

 

 **_queen_ ** _started a new group chat._

 

 **_queen_ ** _added_ **_emo kid_ ** _,_ **_keith’s favourite person_ ** _,_ **_literal sunshine_ ** _,_ **_space dad_ ** _,_ **_space zelda_ ** _, and_ **_local anime prince_ **

 

 ** _queen_** _named the group_ 💙 **_lance protection squad_** 💙

 

 **queen:** so am i the only one that’s noticed how lance’s been acting lately

 **space zelda:** his jokes are a little more...dismal?

 **emo kid:** i thought i was the only one who noticed

 **keith’s favourite person:** yesterday he had an opportunity to make fun of me and he didn’t take it smth’s up

 **local anime prince:** well i didn’t notice shit but that’s cause im in space but now im worried for my favourite paladin

 **keith’s favourite person:** i-

 **literal sunshine:** i think we should all confront lance gently, and try and probe

 **space dad:** good idea hunk

 **emo kid:** nah he’s been probed before, he’ll recognise it

 **space dad:** okay well never mind

 **queen:** we should start small: don’t let him go into his room by himself and surround him with love

 **keith’s favourite person:** wait where is lance rn

 **space zelda:**  i haven't seen him since breakfast...

 **literal sunshine:** who’s got eyes on blue?

 **space zelda:** _who’s got eyes on blue?!_

 **space dad:** fan out and search the ship

 **queen:** please be okay, please be okay, please be okay…

 

* * *

 

**_simba and mufasa_ **

_private chat between_ **_space dad_ ** _and_ **_lancey lance_ **

 

 **space dad:** you haven’t answered any of my calls, are you okay? _(read 19:42)_

 

* * *

 

**_the others have a petition to kick us out the gc_ **

_private chat between_ **_lancey lance_ ** _and_ **_local anime prince_ **

 

 **local anime prince:** bub,,, talk to us,,, you haven’t been yourself lately _(read 19:43)_

 

* * *

 

**_uwu crew_ **

_private chat between_ **_space zelda_ ** _and_ **_lancey lance_ **

 

 **space zelda:** lance you’ve been worrying me and the others recently,,,please just give me sign that you saw this,,, _(read 19:44)_

 

* * *

 

**_We’Re tHe LeGs!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!_ **

_private chat between_ **_lancey lance_ ** _and_ **_literal sunshine_ **

 

 **literal sunshine:** lance please come talk to us :((((((( _(read 19:45)_

 

* * *

 

**_no lance we haven’t bought coffee yet stop asking me_ **

_private chat between_ **_keith’s favourite person_ ** _and_ **_lancey lance_ **

 

 **keith’s favourite person:** buddy we’re all worried about you, please just tell us what’s going on _(read 19:46)_

 

* * *

 

 

**_~ Mr. and Mrs. Blue Lion ~_ **

_private chat between_ **_queen_ ** _and_ **_lancey lance_ **

 

 **queen:** lance we miss your smile, please let us see it again _(read 19:47)_

 

* * *

 

**_the red lion is our helicopter mom_ **

_private chat between_ **_emo kid_ ** _and_ **_lancey lance_ **

 

 **emo kid:** i’m outside your door,,, i know you’re in your room cause i already checked everywhere else _(read 19:48)_

 **emo kid:** i’m not going away so you can stop ignoring me _(read 19:49)_

 **emo kid:** look bub i know what’s wrong with you and nothing’s gonna stop me from fixing you

 **_lancey lance_ ** _is typing..._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay mayhaps i lied cold hard klangst


	22. jackpot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> emo kid: look bub i know what’s wrong with you and nothing’s gonna stop me from fixing you
> 
> warning: mentions of suicidal thoughts and/or cutting. if these subjects make you uncomfortable, feel free to skip this chapter. <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's try something new...
> 
> we're gonna try to write actual writing and not just chat format :D

💙 **_lance protection squad_** 💙

 _group chat between_ **_queen_ ** _,_ **_emo kid_ ** _,_ **_keith’s favourite person_ ** _,_ **_literal sunshine_ ** _,_ **_space dad_ ** _,_ **_space zelda_ ** _, and_ **_local anime prince_ **

 

 **space dad:** anyone have any luck at all? any sign of him?

 **literal sunshine:** nothing :(

 **queen:** i’m seriously getting worried

 **space zelda:** hey, has anyone seen keith since we went looking for lance?

 **space dad:** keith? keith? yeah, no, he’s not online

 **local anime prince:** oh great

 **keith’s favourite person:** so we have two red paladins missing, one of them wallowing in depression and the other probably breaking something somewhere

 **queen:** let’s split up and look for them separately

 **local anime prince:** k good luck guys

 

* * *

 

“Keith? Keith, bub, where are you?” Pidge’s voice. They were rounding the corner. Kick. “Lance? Lance, please!” Allura from around the other corner. Another kick. One more should do it. “Keith?!” Hunk. “Lance?” Shiro. Last kick. “Wait, is that--” Jackpot. Door’s open and closed in a split-second. Not like it mattered; Keith got in anyway. And there he is.

 

Lance was sitting in a tiny gap in between his bed and the wall, shoulders slumped over. The light of his phone illuminated his face, Keith’s latest message on-screen. Lance looked up, seemingly unsurprised Keith effectively crashed into his room. Keith cleared his throat. He’d had something he wanted to say, but seeing this broken version of Lance face to tear-stricken face made things...different.

 

“They’re, uh, they’re looking for you out there.” He started, earning a humourless laugh from the usually spunky paladin. “From what I hear, they’re more worried about you.” Keith did a double-take. Pidge’s voice was muffled now, but sure enough, it was Keith’s name being called. Not Lance’s.

 

“Hey...come on, buddy. You know that’s not true.” Keith slid into the gap and sat beside Lance, the other making no effort to stop him. “Is it, though? Hasn’t that always been the way it’s been?” Keith arched an eyebrow, taking mental note of the silent tear that slipped down Lance’s cheek.

“The answer is, believe it or not, yes. Yes, you’ve always been more important. Yes, people care more about you than they do me, and...yes, it’s given me...issues.” Lance laughed, another tear falling. “Is that dumb? How-How I let something as petty as this bother me this much? How it--it’s left me crying into my pillow at 3 o’clock in the morning every night?” Keith shifted forward slightly, unsure if he should touch Lance when he was shaking like this. Why was he shaking?

 

“How it’s given me...given me an idea--some ideas.” It was then that Keith seized Lance’s shoulders, the younger beginning to sob. “Lance...Lance, what ideas?” Lance shook his head, heaving a breath. “Lance. Tell me now.” The other exhaled.

 

“Once, when Lotor was around and Allura was...how she was with him...once, I-I went on top of Blue’s head, and...and I thought, you know, ‘What would happen if I just...if I simply jumped...just jumped of this lion, right now. Would-Would anyone miss me? Would anyone even realize I was missing, until they needed me for some pointless mission? Would I just be easily replaced, if all went well, by Lotor? I...I was so...hopeless...I-shit...I’m sorry--”

 

Lance was cut off by Keith’s arms wrapping around him, and the tug that pulled him to Keith’s chest. Lance let himself cry, finally, finally, he let himself spill his guts. “There was another time...It...it was in the bathroom...I--I still have the scars…” Keith squeezed his shoulders. “It’s okay. Don’t speak. Just let yourself breathe.”

 

After a good amount of time, Lance shifted in Keith’s arms. “Keith?” A hum in response. “Did...Did you mean it?” Keith’s eyes drifted to Lance’s abandoned phone.

 

 **_emo kid:_ ** _look bub i know what’s wrong with you and nothing’s gonna stop me from fixing you_

 

Keith smoothed down Lance’s hair and rubbed his back. “Yes. I meant it, buddy. I will.

 

“I promise.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof the angst SHOULD be over by now idk
> 
> this was for my klancer readers ily people thanks for the support <333333


	23. love fest!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> emo kid: i should become a therapist  
> keith’s favourite person: what the fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shinee's back

_ May 6th, at 21:09 _

 

**space dad:** so 

**space dad:** anyone care to explain what just happened

**emo kid:** lance needed a few

**keith’s favourite person:** hours

**emo kid:** PIDGE

**literal sunshine:** she’s right tho

**space zelda:** you guys were missing for a long time

**queen:** i just hope he’s okay for now

**emo kid:** i think he is

**local anime prince:** good cause im worried

 

**_lancey lance_ ** _ is online. _

 

**space zelda:** oMG EVERYONE SHUT UP

**lancey lance:** hi

**queen:** ARE YOU OKAY DO U NEED A HUG WAIT DONT ANSWER THAT HANG ON IM COMING WITH UR SLIPPERS AND A BLANKET

**lancey lance:** thank you llura <3

**emo kid:** allura as: overprotective sister

**keith’s favourite person:** bubby we were so worried ;;;

**lancey lance:** i know and im sorry, i just needed to clear my head

**space dad:** just know that you don’t have to hide from us

**literal sunshine:** yea we’re your friends and we love you

**space zelda:** don’t be afraid to trust us uwu

**lancey lance:** thanks guys

**local anime prince:** LANCE

**lancey lance:** mATT

**local anime prince:** MY BABY

**local anime prince:** MY LIFE 

**local anime prince:** MY FAVOURITE PALADIN

**keith’s favourite person:** yeah don’t mind me

**local anime prince:** ARE YOU ALRIGHT

**lancey lance:** YES BUB I AM NOW

**emo kid:** i should become a therapist

**keith’s favourite person:** what the fuck

**space dad:** language

**keith’s favourite person:** che cazzo

**local anime prince:** PIDGE

**lancey lance:** _ DID SHE JUST-- _

**queen:** what the fuck in italian aRE YOU KIDDING ME

**literal sunshine:** oh my god

**space zelda:** im rOLLING

**emo kid:** hi yes i love one (1) female specimen

**space dad:** you are so disappointing sometimes. all of you.

**keith’s favourite person:** that’s why u love us

**space dad:** sadly that’s true

**literal sunshine:** do u have a favourite paladin like matt

**space dad:** i won’t say their name

**space zelda:** it’s keith isn’t it

**space dad:** it’s actually hunk but keith’s a good boi

**emo kid:** i think im the second most sane paladin

**keith’s favourite person:** nah ur like the third

**lancey lance:** yeah it goes allura, hunk, you, pidge, then me

**local anime prince:** well to me ur all stars

**space zelda:** i’d probably sell keith and pidge to zarkon for a potato chip

**keith’s favourite person:** that’s fair

**emo kid:** i would too tbh

**lancey lance:** ugh i was just hit by a wave of happiness im glad we can have conversations like this and still all love each other at the end of the day cause i love and appreciate all you guys so much

**queen:** you gave me a new family i love you all 

**literal sunshine:** you guys are my everything 

**space dad:** we’ve been through a lot together

**emo kid:** you guys don’t understand how grateful i am for all of you

**keith’s favourite person:** i’m going to cry can y’all sT o P

**space zelda:** let’s all meet up in the lounge for a group hug!

**queen:** yeah!

**space dad:** leave phones here

**lancey lance:** yes mother   
  


**_space dad_ ** _ is offline.  _

 

**_lancey lance_ ** _ is offline. _

 

**_keith’s favourite person_ ** _ is offline. _

 

**_emo kid_ ** _ is offline. _

 

**_queen_ ** _ is offline. _

 

**_literal sunshine_ ** _ is offline. _

 

**_space zelda_ ** _ is offline. _

  
**local anime prince:** okay,,, you guys do that,,, i’ll just,,, be up here,,, near a balmera,,, hey sHAY--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay we stan some best friends who are just d r o w n i n g in love
> 
> sorry for the wait uwu


	24. alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lancey lance: you ever wonder what happened to lotor?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI IM BACK
> 
> i know you all missed me so much (jk lmao)
> 
> anygay to make up for the MONTH LONG WAIT HOLY SHIT,,,
> 
> i'm going to post tonight and sunday night (hopefully)
> 
> thank you for ur patience !
> 
> and enjoy the return of the prince who deserved better :)))))

_May 7th at 17:04_

 

 **lancey lance:** hey guys random question

 **space dad:** okay shoot

 **lancey lance:** you ever wonder what happened to lotor?

 **queen:** i’m now tuning out this convo bYE

 **lancey lance:** no llura pls :(((

 **queen:** fine

 **queen:** i can only assume he got what he deserved

 **space zelda:** yeah spending all that time alone in space can’t be good for your conscience

 **keith’s favourite person:** that’s another thing the show got wrong; yeah, he betrayed us n stuffs, but _wtf was that scene when he went crazy in the quintessence field?????_

 **emo kid:** and the REST of the galRA i got chills man

 **local anime prince:** that va really did it for me

 **literal sunshine:** idk guys, maybe he had a really messed up childhood and the terrible parenting from zarkon and honerva finally got to him and pushed him to the twisted being we knew and were betrayed by. maybe the fact that we heartlessly shot a possibly just very sad and broken child that never grew up into the cold dark vacuum of space makes us the real monsters...

 **space dad:** okay not that you’re not onto something hunk, but he killed off half of an already endangered society, _i don’t think poor parenting gives you a pass on that_

 **literal sunshine:** well i mean i could be wrong

 **space zelda:** i would be surprised

 **local anime prince:** btw, why did you bring it up lance?

 **emo kid:** yeah aren’t you zooming around the moon in the blue lion or something

 **lancey lance:** well i WAS 

**keith’s favourite person:** as u do

 **queen:** you were, but…?

 **lancey lance:** i don’t know, i saw something that looked like a cryopod stuck in a crater on the moon’s surface, so i got a closer look, and…

 **space dad:** lance, are you saying that you found lotor’s body on the moon?

 **lancey lance:** i’m sorry, i don’t know if it’s him, but i do know that whoever’s in there is definitely alive

 **keith’s favourite person:** holy shit we need to get to the moon right now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lotor, bursting into the plot to make a love triangle and fuck practically everything up: ANNYEONGHASEYO JEONEUN BANGTAN SONYEONDAN HWANGGEUM MAKNAE JEON JEONGGUK IMNIDA--


	25. cryopod

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> emo kid: but i thought you hated him??  
> lancey lance: the war is over, man  
> literal sunshine: everyone needs second chances :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh lord he's here kids

_ May 7th at 17:45 _

 

**local anime prince:** so is it him ??

**space zelda:** allura is screaming into a pillow. what do you think?

**local anime prince:** oh shit it lotor

**space dad:** we just need to stay calm...he probably isnt insane

**emo kid:** let’s not get hasty…he could still be dangerous

**keith’s favourite person:** i wanna run some scans then we’ll let him out ig

**lancey lance:** shouldn’t we let him out now? like isn’t he freezing in there?

**queen:** with any luck, he’ll be unconscious

**local anime prince:** y’all if he’s unconscious then you should be safe to let him out

**literal sunshine:** easy for you to say, mr up-in-space

**local anime prince:** okay wow where’s the soft hunk i like him better

**space zelda:** i’m not looking forward to letting him out if i’m being honest

**queen:** i’m not looking forward to him period

**keith’s favourite person:** i’m sure it’ll be fine; we just need to be careful

**emo kid:** really careful

**literal sunshine:** should we maybe give him another chance

**queen:** absolutely not 

**lancey lance:** wait maybe we should

**queen:** s o r r y  w h a t

**space dad:** lance...why

**lancey lance:** if hunk was right and he was just a fucked up kid, then maybe we should let him redeem himself

**emo kid:** but i thought you hated him?? 

**lancey lance:** the war is over, man

**literal sunshine:** everyone needs second chances :D

  
  


Keith had the biggest feeling of uneasiness, walking up to Lotor’s cryopod. You could almost see the fallen prince’s frozen face through the frosty glass. Hunk and Lance walked up first, leading the rest of the team to him. Keith frowned as he glanced at Lance’s determined expression. Something about his certainty on redeeming Lotor rubbed Keith the wrong way. Like, the wrongest way. 

 

The atmosphere of the almost empty cryopod chamber was so tense, Keith might’ve laughed if he wasn’t so on edge. Shiro stayed by the door, on watch, since what they were doing wasn’t necessarily allowed. Allura and Romelle stood farthest away from the cryopod, the princess shooting daggers at it. Hunk’s hand hovered over the button, looking to Lance, who was staring intently at the pod, waiting for approval. It was then that Keith felt the tiniest of hands grip his, and he looked down to see Pidge gazing at Lance and Hunk with almost a nervous expression. He squeezed her hand, and watched the cryopod open.

 

Fog emitted from the pod, so much of it that it temporarily blinded the team. A low groan echoed throughout the room, and Keith made out the silhouette of Hunk stepping back. Lance held his ground though. Why, Keith was unsure if he wanted to know. Once the steam died down, Prince Lotor, as pristine in form as he was before, was sitting upright, yawning, as if his months in the cold galaxy was nothing but a nap. 

 

Lance, who had had a stern expression since they entered the chamber, softened and helped the prince steady himself. “Are you okay, Lotor?” The prince blinked (Keith noted a slight red tint to his lavender cheeks, a bit angrily, he’ll admit), arching an eyebrow. “Is that my name? Oh, I like that, it’s a nice name.” Everyone gasped, exchanging looks. Lance took a step back, then knitted his eyebrows. “Weird.” 

 

“Is something wrong?” Lotor asked, tilting his head. “By the way, who are you guys?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heheheheheheh


	26. relationship?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith is confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay sorry this one's full writing cause now the plot's begging for it but we'll get back to texting soon uwu

Keith, being alone for the majority of his life, wasn’t the best at voicing his thoughts. But after watching Lance struggle to explain almost all of Lotor’s life story to him, leaving out the parts about him murdering half of a species, he knew he had to say something. The way Lotor stared intensely as Lance explained everything he knew to him made Keith want to send him back into space right there and then.

 

Of course, that wouldn’t be right. The prince hadn’t done anything he could remember, because this wasn’t the vile, cheating Lotor they’d dealt with before. This was a clueless, amnesiac Lotor. Who seems genuine and polite, probably what he would’ve been before, had it not been for Haggar and Zarkon’s A+ parenting. Not to mention, this Lotor was lovestruck. Not for Allura, like last time. 

 

After learning what he’d done to them, the new Lotor apologised profusely, several times, and was especially sorry to Allura and Romelle. He kept apologising every time he saw them, even after they warmed up and forgave him, after a week. But, back to the lovestruck thing.

 

Keith doesn’t know why it bothers him so much. When Lotor stands too close to him, Keith bites his tongue. When Lotor makes him laugh, Keith clenches his fist. When he sits by Lotor instead of him, it makes Keith wonder. How did the guy that tried to kill them gain his trust faster in two weeks then Keith had in four years?

 

And why did Keith hate Lotor and Lance’s relationship so much?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so a vvvv short filler cause i felt the need to update even though i posted like three days ago so yeah :)


	27. typing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lotator tot has joined the chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we going texting and full writing yee yee
> 
> on the menu today: lowkey lancelot, JEALOUS KEITH, and platonic kidgeons uwu 
> 
> there's a lil note from me at the end so pls read that lmao
> 
> pls enjoy <3

 

**3**

 

**w**

**e**

**e**

**k**

**s**

 

**l**

**a**

**t**

**e**

**r**

  


_May 21st at 19:42_

 

💙 **_lance protection squad_** 💙

 _group chat between_ **_queen_ ** _,_ **_emo kid_ ** _,_ **_keith’s favourite person_ ** _,_ **_literal sunshine_ ** _,_ **_space dad_ ** _,_ **_space zelda_ ** _, and_ **_local anime prince_ **

  


**emo kid:** k im reviving this chat

 **space dad:** huh why

 **space zelda:** yeah we havent needed to use it lately; lance is very happy nowadays

 **local anime prince:** oh thats nice to hear

 **queen:** i think befriending lotor has helped a lot

 **keith’s favourite person:** uhhhhh

 **emo kid:** THATS WHY WE’RE HERE BOYS AND GIRLS

 **literal sunshine:** so that’s why we’re not talking on the main

 **emo kid:** I DON’T TRUST LOTOR: AN ESSAY BY KEITH KOGANE

 **keith’s favourite person:** i thought you were just gonna talk about that to me

 **queen:** keith romelle and i have every reason not to trust him either, but i actually think this isn’t the same lotor

 **space zelda:** i’ve heard of space amnesia, but this is the first case i’ve encountered

 **local anime prince:** im not entirely sure whats going on down there but if allura trusts him then he must’ve changed

 **space dad:** are you sure there isn’t another reason you want him gone, keith?

 **emo kid:** what other reason would there be!?

 **keith’s favourite person:** …

 **keith’s favourite person:** well

 **literal sunshine:** why dont we take this up w lance?

 

 **_emo kid_ ** _is typing: because i don’t want him to realise his true feelings_

 **_emo kid_ ** _is typing: because i don’t want him to re_

 **_emo kid_ ** _is typing: becau_

 **_emo kid_ ** _is typing: because he’s part of the reason_

 **_emo kid_ ** _is typing: because he’s p_

 

 **emo kid:** because he’s obviously biased towards him, now he’d defend him even if it was the old lotor

 **space zelda:** you sound upset keith…

 **emo kid:** im not

 **emo kid:** you wanna talk to lance about it, fine

 

**_voltorb: leg and dairy suspenders_ **

**_group chat between lancey lance, keith’s favourite person, emo kid, queen, literal sunshine, space dad, space zelda, and local anime prince_ **

 

 **space zelda:** hey lance…

 **lancey lance:** oh hey guys i was gonna talk to you about smthhh

 **space dad:** we did too but you go first

 **lancey lance:** oh you sure

 **literal sunshine:** yeah we’re sure,,,,

 **lancey lance:** okay so i was hanging out with lotor earlier

 

 **_emo kid_ ** _is offline._

 

 **lancey lance:** wait wha

 **local anime prince:** oh no

 **keith’s favourite person:** i got him

 

 **_keith’s favourite person_ ** _is offline._

 

 **lancey lance:** did i do something???

 **queen:** no bubba you did nothing; it’s his problem

 **queen:** now what about lotor?

 **lancey lance:** well i was wondering if maybe we could add him onto here???

 **space dad:** well...he is learning how to use his new phone pretty quickly…

 **local anime prince:** yoooo i lowkey wanna talk to him so im all for it

 **queen:** i don’t see why not

 **space zelda:** if he wants to sureee

 **literal sunshine:** ooooo !!!! i have the perfect name !!!!

 

* * *

 

 **_lancey lance:_ ** _well i was wondering if maybe we could add him onto here???_

 

Keith read the words over and over again, before throwing his phone against his bedroom wall. He let out a frustrated shout, not really caring if someone heard him. He really shouldn’t care that much that Lance had a new friend. It never bothered him when he hung out with Hunk or Shiro, or any of the others (although he always kept an extra eye on Lance and Allura when they hung out, just to make sure he was over her), so why did Lotor bother him so much?

 

He punched a pillow, growling curses under his breath. If he had what he thought he had, he wanted it to stop. Now.

 

There was a tiny knock on his door. “Go away,” He grumbled, falling back into his bed. “Rude.” A voice chimed. The door opened anyway, and Keith immediately knew who it was. “What don’t you understand about go away, Pidge.” It wasn’t a question, more like a warning to leave before he got mad at her. “What don’t you understand about the concept of best friends?” She retorted, flopping down next to him, ignoring his grumble.

 

“So...you’re jealous. You know that, right?” Keith looked at her in surprise, cheeks flaming. “What? No, no. You’ve got it all wrong. It’s not like that. I’m just…looking out for him.” Pidge snorted, fiddling with the hem of her t-shirt. “Right. We both know Lance can look out for himself.” Keith sighed. “He shouldn’t have to. That’s all he’s ever done.” Pidge looked back at him, eyebrow arched. “I’ve been meaning to ask you, what really happened in Lance’s room when...you know.”

 

Keith shook his head, quickly squeezing her hand. “I shouldn’t say. He wouldn’t want me to. Let’s just say we had a long talk.” Pidge pursed her lips. “Yeah, I can tell, Mr. Smooth.” Keith dropped her hand, mock glaring at her, earning a laugh.

 

“Shut up.”

“Shut me up yourself, coward.”

 

Keith rolled his eyes and sat up. “I should probably go assure them that everything’s fine,” he sighed as Pidge scrolled through missed texts. “even though it might not be.” He looked back at her, tilting his head when she frowned at something. “What?” Pidge quickly closed her phone. “Nothing.” Keith blinked, then snatched her phone from her fingers, using one hand to input her password, and the other keeping his squirming best friend away from it.

 

Keith’s eye caught on a notification in the chat, and he almost broke the phone.

  
**_lotator tot_ ** _has joined the chat._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi my razzlers and my dazzlers
> 
> it's me 
> 
> i just wanted to tell u a secret
> 
> i lov u <3
> 
> and i really appreciate ur support
> 
> so don't be afraid to comment smth
> 
> it can be anything like if ur favourite colour socks is yellow? aight that awesome dude go ahead n let me know
> 
> my point is;;; i lov hearing from y'all
> 
> if you read this far through this shitstorm, thank you i love you for putting up w my weirdness
> 
> stan romelle n i'll see you in the next chapter <3333


	28. who's your fave: revived and remastered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> space dad: YEAH THIS IS ABOUT FRIENDSHIP  
> local anime prince: MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC (2010)  
> queen: WHATVTHEFCUK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big thank you to bi_functional for being my muse for this crackhead of a story. literally i'll think it and they'll say it. they're the sun to my moon, the haw to my yee, the lance to my keith AND the lance to my lotor (we stan a love triangle) 
> 
> i know they're reading this so hey bITCH I FUCKING LOVE YOU
> 
> anygay enjoy the chappy

_May 21st at 21:54_

 

 **literal sunshine:** lotor can you guess who’s who?

 **lotator tot:** hmmm

 **lotator tot:** you’re hunk

 **queen:** i wonder how he guessed that

 **lotator tot:** hey allura

 **queen:** DHSHHD

 **space zelda:** what about me? they had to explain my name to me

 **lotator tot:** romelle

 **literal sunshine:** wh

 **space zelda:** sjssksk hOW DID YOU KNOW

 **lotator tot:** you look like zelda???

 **queen:** how did you know about zelda

**lotator tot:**

**lancey lance:** i told him about the game lmao

 **space zelda:** LANCE-

 **space dad:** who am i

 **lotator tot:** sHIRO  
****

**space dad:** LANCE STOP TELLING HIM I CAN HEAR YOU

 **local anime prince:** what about me >:D

 **lotator tot:** whomst

 **lancey lance:** he’s learning memes fast im so proud

 **lotator tot:** no who are you wait

 **local anime prince:** my name is matt and i reside in space

 **lotator tot:** that explains why i don’t know you

 **local anime prince:** you will

 **lotator tot:** oKAY

 **local anime prince:** I DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT I MEANT LIKE WERE GONNA BE FRIENDS HSHDHDJH

 **lotator tot:** OH OKAY SKSKSK

 **keith’s favourite person:** what about me

 **keith’s favourite person:** lance if you say something i will kill you

 **lancey lance:** lips are sealed

 **lotator tot:** pidge?

 **keith’s favourite person:** i--okay

 **lotator tot:** i could only tell cause he’s always hanging around you

 **emo kid:** we hang around each other

 **lotator tot:** that’s keith

 **lancey lance:** BAHAHAHAH

 **queen:** he can just tell by the nAME SHSHSH  
****

**emo kid:** i swear to god i’ll kill you for this name matt

 **local anime prince:** you’ll have to catch me first, coward

 **space dad:** so now that lotor’s here…

 **space dad:** you wanna try the favourite game again, lance?

**lancey lance:**

**lancey lance:** really?

 **literal sunshine:** yeah! it could be fun this time

 **local anime prince:** mine’s still shiro

 **space dad:** matt

 **queen:** again, disqualified

 **lotator tot:** wait what are we doing

 **keith’s favourite person:** who’s your fave: it’s a game lance came up with where you say your favourite person on the chat

 **lotator tot:** i’m guessing you’re keith’s?

 **emo kid:** it varies from time to time

 **keith’s favourite person:** bULLSHIT, SAY THAT TO MY FACE YOU LIMP NOODLE

 **emo kid:** I CAN HAVE OTHER FRIENDS

 **keith’s favourite person:** BUT I’M MORE IMPORTANT

 **space zelda:** hunk’s still my favourite

 **literal sunshine:** so’s romelle~

 **queen:** i love my children equally

 **emo kid:** katie why are you upset

 **keith’s favourite person:** because you don’t love me

 **emo kid:** i never _said_ that

 **keith’s favourite person:** you iMPLIED IT

 

 **_lancey lance_ ** _is typing: well i’m the one that’s most deprived of love here_

 

 **literal sunshine:** GUYS STOP FIGHTING

 **space dad:** YEAH THIS IS ABOUT FRIENDSHIP

 **local anime prince:** _MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC (2010)_

 **queen:** WHATVTHEFCUK

 **space zelda:** WHAT IS HAPPENINF RN I THOUGHT WE WERE PLAYING THE GAME

 **lotator tot:** we are

 

 **_lotator tot_ ** _changed_ **_lancey lance_ ** _’s name to_ **_lotor’s favourite person_ **

 

* * *

 

You could hear Lance’s sobs of happiness for almost an hour, sometimes muffled by Lotor and Allura’s hugs, unsuccessful attempts to calm him down. He couldn’t calm down. He wouldn’t, more like. And one raven-haired hot head silently fumed in his room, staring at the unsent text on his phone.

  
**_emo kid_ ** _is typing_ **_:_ ** _i can have two favourites_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahhahahahhahaha get ready for more angst hoes


	29. pidge angst coming to theatres near you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just pidge i guess is offline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hEY GAYS IM BACK-
> 
> GONNA SCREAM ABOUT PLATONIC KIDGE FOR THE NEXT FEW CHAPPIES SO BE READY
> 
> SORRY FOR THE WAIT, MY MUSE IS IA SO I DIDNT HAVE MUCH INSPIRATION BUT IM BACK

_ May 22nd at 18:56 _

 

**lotor’s favourite person:** hey gays

**lotor’s favourite person:** isn’t it such a lovely day

**lotor’s favourite person:** birds are chirping

**lotor’s favourite person:** bees are buzzing

**lotor’s favourite person:** a lovely spring day

**keith’s favourite person:** are

**keith’s favourite person:** are you just spamming the gc to flaunt your new name

**lotor’s favourite person:** nooooooooo

**lotator tot:** i really hate how my laugh is literally just a snort i sounded like a pig just now

**queen:** how do you even know what a pig sounds like

**lotator tot:** ...i watched a video on pigs and other animals to get accustomed to earth dont @ me

**space zelda:** wtf

**literal sunshine:** tHAT’S CUTE-

**lotator tot:** romelle you’re cancelled hunk you’re a gem

**space zelda:** no wAIT-

**space dad:** im glad we’re bonding but pls explain why we’re doing this now

**local anime prince:** obviously 6 pm is the perfect time to interrupt a s t e a l t h  m i s s i o n

**keith’s favourite person:** dont bring your phone on a stealth mission god matt its like you’ve never been to space before

**local anime prince:** stfu i’ve been up here longer than you were

**keith’s favourite person:** and yet,,, who on MY team stopped honerva?

**queen:** fucking me losers

**lotor’s favourite person:** SHE WENT THERE

**local anime prince:** well i helped take down thousands of pirates and warlords >:I

**keith’s favourite person:** my best friend killed sendak >:D

**emo kid:** dont bring me into this

**keith’s favourite person:** oh i’ll bring you into anything i want

**emo kid:**

**local anime prince:**

**literal sunshine:**

**lotator tot:**

**lotor’s favourite person:**

**queen:**

**space zelda:**

**space dad:**

**emo kid:** w h a t

**keith’s favourite person:** _ tHAT CAME OUT WRONG- _

**lotor’s favourite person:** YOU THINK DHSHSHDH

**keith’s favourite person:** but it is part of his punishment: do whatever i want

**lotator tot:** this is funny as shit but why is keith being punished

**emo kid:** because i breathed

**queen:** wow rip in pieces

**literal sunshine:** real reason please

**keith’s favourite person:** im not his favourite

**lotor’s favourite person:** awh pidgey :(((((

**emo kid:** i didn’t even agree to being punished

**keith’s favourite person:**

**keith’s favourite person:** fine then

 

**_keith’s favourite person_ ** _ changed their own name to  _ **_just pidge i guess_ **

 

**_just pidge i guess_ ** _ is offline. _

  
  


**lotor’s favourite person:** Ö

**emo kid:** fuck

**space zelda:** yEAH FUCK IS RIGHT

**space dad:** k e i t h

**lotor’s favourite person:** aaaaa wait calm down

**queen:** get ready to catch these hands keith

**lotor’s favourite person:** llura n o

**literal sunshine:** she might just need a minute, don’t panic

**lotator tot:** wait i go get food for two seconds and i get this what the fuck happened

**local anime prince:** _that was fucked up man_

**lotor’s favourite person:** shhhhh you’re making him feel worse guys

**emo kid:** yeah thanks i know i suck at friendship

**emo kid:** gonna go try to talk to katie now, bye

 

**_emo kid_ ** _ is offline. _

 

**lotor’s favourite person:**

**lotor’s favourite person:** wHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT, GUYS-

**space zelda:** didn’t we establish a rule where no one under any circumstances is to make pidge cry

**lotor’s favourite person:** she might not be  _ crying _

**literal sunshine:** im right outside her door, she won’t let me in but her voice is that shaky one ™

**lotor’s favourite person:** okay well now its hard to defend keith um

**lotator tot:** im sure he didn’t mean to make her cry?

**lotor’s favourite person:** yEAH-

**space dad:** what i dont understand is why it bothered her so much

**queen:** exactly, keith’s comment was tactless, but he would never intentionally hurt pidge

**local anime prince:** in any event, he’s gotta apologise for that, its the rule

**lotator tot:** this is already so strange

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are you guys ready for full writing of some good ole kidge friendship next chapter? pls lemme know ur thoughts in the comments uwu ily <3


	30. buzzing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Katie. Open the door.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey
> 
> i wrote this at midnight and finished like an hour later so it's not perfect but i'll edit in the morning
> 
> platonic kidge time bitches haha
> 
> warning: minor character death ig (he's major in my heart)

_May 22nd at 19:13_

 

**_the red lion is our helicopter mom_ **

_private chat between_ **_lotor’s favourite person_ ** _and_ **_emo kid_ **

 

 **lotor’s favourite person:** keef? _(read 19:13)_

 **lotor’s favourite person:** okay you’re probably focused on finding pidge i get that _(read 19:14)_

 **lotor’s favourite person:** but uhm be sure to tell us if she’s okay or not once you find her okay? _(read 19:15)_

 **lotor’s favourite person:** cause we’re all worried _(read 19:16)_

 **lotor’s favourite person:** okay ill go now good luck _(read 19:17)_

* * *

 

 

The phone buzzes again, and Keith feels the familiar urge to check it immediately. He knows it’s one of his friends, checking up on him, making sure he’s figuring things out. And if he’s honest, he’s trying. But a locked door makes figuring things out harder.

 

You might say: “Keith, you kicked Lance’s door open like a few weeks ago, why is Pidge’s door any different?” And Keith would respond: “It’s Pidge’s door.” At the time, Keith knew Lance was too fragile or just generally wouldn’t get upset at him for breaking in. But with Pidge, especially when she’s upset like this, Keith would get a katar to the stomach once he forces his way in.

 

So, here he sits, leaning his head against the locked door, waiting. It’s not like Pidge would come out anyway. She can hide away in her room for hours, even days if the team would let her. Keith knows he’s at risk of sitting out here for a while.

 

The only thing he can do is try to probe.

 

He hates probing. It just annoys him more, and he knows it does the same to Pidge, but it’s all he can do to try and lure her out. Even if she’s madder at him than she’s ever been before, at least she’ll have left her room.

 

Keith’s losing track of what his initial plan was. Ah, yes, Pidge.

 

He’s not entirely sure what he said. That sounds lame and asshole-ish, but it’s true. When Keith thinks about it, Pidge has been vying for Keith’s attention lately, but he can’t place his finger on why. He’d been so focused on Lance, and Lotor, and everything that how Pidge felt hadn’t been at the front of his mind...

 

Oh. _Oh, that’s it._

 

She felt neglected, didn’t she? Like Keith only needed her to rant about _his_ problems to someone. Like she wasn’t important to Keith anymore. And she feels that way because that’s how he’d been treating her. Wow, Keith feels like a dick.

 

He lets out a bitter laugh and hits his head on the door, guilt overwhelming his system. He had to say something. She’ll think he left if he doesn’t say something. She’ll think he doesn’t care if he doesn’t say something. But he does care, it’s his job, for Christ’s sake. He’s her best friend, and he let her down.

 

So he speaks.

 

“Katie. Open the door.”

 

Silence greets him.

 

“Come on, let me in. I want to know what’s wrong.” He totally knows what’s wrong, but he shouldn’t say it yet. Keith can hear feet padding over to the door. She got closer, but she won’t open the door yet.

 

Keith stands now, facing the door. He has to probe more. “Tell me what’s going on with you, Katie. I haven’t been listening to you, I know I haven’t. I’m sorry, really, I’m so sorry.”

 

Silence. A little more.

 

“It’s just… you’re so important to me, really. You’re my best friend, and I really don’t want to lose our friendship to something like this.” There’s the sound of beeping, and slowly, the door slides open.

 

Pidge is standing there, glasses unbalanced, hair mussed, and tear tracks on her cheeks. But her eyes are dry, and they’re staring up into his, undeterred. “Do you really think I want to lose our friendship to Lance?”

 

Okay. That threw him off guard. Quite honestly, he was prepared for hugs and maybe forgiveness. But instead, he’s hit with this.

 

“Wha-Lance? What about Lance, no, Lance isn’t in this, it’s about us.” Pidge scoffs, not breaking eye contact as she drags him into her dark room. “Lance is totally in this.” Keith splutters, not bothering to fight back as Pidge shoves him onto a chair. “How...How the fuck is Lance in this? Lance isn’t-”

 

“The whole reason we’re having these problems is Lance. You know you like him, right?” Pidge is pacing, obviously not wanting to talk about this. Keith, however, is totally open to the topic. “What? I don’t like-”

 

“Yes, you do! Yes, you fucking do! That’s why you’re so upset about him and Lotor, dipshit! You’re jealous! I can’t believe you haven’t figured this out, based on how many times you’ve talked about this to me.” No. She’s not about to make this about Keith’s love life.

 

“...I’m not here to talk about Lance. You feel like I’m using you, don’t you?” Pidge stops, sparing him a glance. “What? Why is this about me all of a sudden?” Keith groans. “Don’t you fucking get it? I don’t want things to be about me. I came here to listen to you. I don’t want to bring Lance, or Lotor, or anyone else into this.”

 

“It’s my job to listen to you, Keith. What’s going on with me doesn’t matter, and I shouldn’t have reacted so strongly.” She’s trying to shut him out. Not on his watch. “It’s also my job to listen to _you_. I want to know what’s bothering you, and the way I’ve been pushing you aside is...unacceptable.” Keith takes her hands and pulls her down to sit with him. “Tell me why you’re so fragile right now, Katie.”

 

She shakes her head. “I’m not… I can’t…”

“Why not?”

“Because I...!” She sighs, glancing at him. "You'll really listen?"

“Yes, I'll listen. I'm sorry I didn't before. Please, tell me now. I just want to know what’s going on.”

 

She takes a deep breath, and tears start welling in her eyes. “I was trying to tell you for a while, but you seemed so upset over Lance that I just kept my mouth shut.” _Oh, goddammit._ “Pidge, tell me now. What happened?”

 

Pidge laughs dryly, the tears starting to fall. “It’s dumb to cry over but, uh, about a week after Lotor came back… Bae Bae… he got sick, and well, he was old…”

 

She gulps, and Keith’s heart freezes. “He...um… it was too much for him. Mom found him in the morning… she told me later that day.”

 

 _Hey, quick question.  Why did you act so dumb and self-absorbed? You should’ve noticed how Pidge became less bubbly and more reliant on you for validation. No wonder she got so upset during the second favourite game. Her dog, her pet, her family member, died, and you completely disregarded her feelings. What a shitty friend you are._  That's what Keith's mind is saying. Keith's heart responds with:  _No, stop making it about yourself. Pidge. Listen to your best friend._

 

Pidge is staring at their hands now, tears dropping on her windbreaker. “It… It feels good to tell someone. Matt...Matt doesn’t-” She’s cut off by a hug. And she breaks down. She cries into Keith’s shoulder, and he’s silent. He’s sorry. More than anything he’s sorry. Kosmo is immortal, he’s pretty sure, but Keith would be devastated if he passed.

 

So, he sighs and rubs his friend’s back. He apologises over and over. Pidge is calm now, sobs lessened to sniffles. They’re sitting, talking softly. Things are okay now. Almost normal. But it’s different. Lance is waiting, and Pidge has assured that she’s fully ready to help Keith get to him now.

 

The phone is buzzing again. For the first time, Keith entirely ignores it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY FOR KILLING BAE BAE BUT I HAD THIS PLANNED FOR LIKE SIX CHAPTERS SO PLEASE DONT @ ME ISTG-
> 
> the second to last paragraph is weird but try to make sense of it ig i'll edit it soon


	31. lookit this before i delete it ok

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lotor's favourite person: we will now use codenames

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> iTS A CRACK CHAPTER ITS A CRACK CHAPTER
> 
> the real chapter 31 will be coming to a theatre near you soon jUST
> 
> accept this to quench your thirst for my shitstorm of emotions and klance™

_ May 23rd at 15:46 _

 

**lotor’s favourite person:** i have made an executive decision

**space dad:** but...but im the leader

**lotator tot:** hush shiro

**space dad:** but

**queen:** its okay shiro

**literal sunshine:** what is the decision

**lotor’s favourite person:** we will now use codenames

**lotor’s favourite person:** address me as blue lion

**space zelda:** ..ok

**lotor’s favourite person:** keith is ‘been there done that’

**emo kid:** dude What The Actual Fuck

**lotor’s favourite person:** lotor is ‘currently doing that’

**lotator tot:** gasp :D

**lotor’s favourite person:** allura is ‘if i had to pick a girl’

**queen:** that’s fair 

**lotor’s favourite person:** matt is ‘i’d be lying if i said i hadn’t thought about it’

**local anime prince:** tbh same

**lotor’s favourite person:** hunk is ‘it happened once in a dream’

**literal sunshine:** wait what

**lotor’s favourite person:** shiro is ‘if he was my age’

**space dad:** as a father i am concerned

**lotor’s favourite person:** romelle is ‘like a sister to me’

**space zelda:** thanks

**lotor’s favourite person:** and pidge is

**lotor’s favourite person:** green lion

**keith’s favourite person (im serious this time <3):** oh thank god

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i felt the need to contribute to the meme


End file.
